I've made a mess out of my life. Can you give me some insight into straightening it out?


I became a member of the church about ten years ago. I later married someone I was unequally yoked with. She had a daughter from a previous relationship. In less than six months, it became an abusive situation for me. It came to the point where I felt disgusted to lay next to her. I tried to seek harmony but things became more extreme. She told me she hated me, and wanted a divorce. So I left.

After about a week, we had talked things over, and I returned. Only to see things develop in the same pattern. She would tell me she hated me, and to leave. So I left, and never returned.

We stayed married for about three years after that, living in seperate places. I fell, and began to live a life less pleasing to God. I became angry with God, and blamed Him for my mess. I started to act out sexually, and immorally, engaging in activities that where very unnatural. My wife tried to get me to come back to her a third time, but I wouldnt agree to it. She started seeing other men, and I later filed for a divorce.

I lived in and out of the church. I felt I had no one to turn to, so I acted out on impulse, only to fall again. I wanted to just have a normal life in the Lord.

I later met this very sweet girl. She was a member of a Baptist church, and liked her zeal. I wanted to share the Gospel with her, and we hit off a great friendship. She had told me that she obeyed the Gospel, but later I realized that maybe she just told me that, but I'm still not sure.

I felt I needed to move back to my hometown so off I went. A few months later, I reached her, and we sparked a conversation. I had told her I thought she was a great person, and that I secretly liked her, and wanted to persue some type of relationship. She agreed. At that time, she had told me that she was married, and her husband and herself had been split up for years, due to his unfaithfulness. She later got a divorce as well and we married. She had two children from a different relationship.

I found out that I had problems with anxiety and panic attacks. I was on a lot of medication, and I didn't feel the urge for any kind of sexual activities. I was basically a shell, and she couldn't understand my condition. I didn't understand my condition. The doctor told me that the medicine I was taking would probably lower my sexual drive. She told me one day that she thought that it was a mistake that we had gotten married. This grieved me very much. She would lock herself in the bathroom almost all day, and didn't want to talk much. I told her that maybe it would be best if she visit with her mom, until I could take myself off the medicine or found something that worked better. She agreed and did so.

My attitude became more forward, and I am a very calm and happy person most of the time. It seemed to me at the time that whenever she would call me, it was just about her feelings, and she didn't care to hear mine. So I became bitter toward her. She engaged in sexual activity with another man, and became pregnant. I began to act out sexually as well, and fell back into those same actions as before. I fell, and then again I would be in and out of church. We are still married today, and she has broken communication with me now. I will not file for divorce again, nor do I care to marry again. I will simply wait upon the will of God for His plans for this union. I have repented for my wrong doing. I just pray that she has as well. I realize my wrong doings now. I think I just need a brother's insight on everything.

Please reply. Thank you


I'm puzzled as to what you hope I can provide you. You've committed adultery repeatedly and are currently in a marriage where it it appears you have no rights to be in. Jesus already spoke about this situation: "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 19:9). You were the adulterer in your first marriage. That your wife also committed adultery doesn't matter in this case.

You need to focus on straightening yourself out morally. You have a lot of weaknesses that are consuming you.

Thank you for your reply.

I realize the mess I have put myself in, and I know that I have to deal with it. I have repented, and my "second wife" and I are not together, we have seperated. I am not seeing anyone else, and I am not sexually active in any shape or form. I need to know what I should do to fix this problem. I have repented, we are not together, so should I divorce the person I am married to now since it it is not lawful for me to be married to her? I don't care to marry ever again. I just want to make things right in the sight of the Lord.

The proper thing is to end the wrongful second marriage and then change your life totally, which you have already started to do. "For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (II Corinthians 7:10-11).