Question:

My boyfriend is a Muslim, and I'm a Christain. He says he loves me but still flirts with other girls. Our graduation is fast approaching, but he prefers hanging out with his numerous friends. I do not know what to do, or how to make him want me more than anything.


Answer:

People don't typically change unless they choose to do so. You can't make this boy love only you. If he prefers his friends over you now, that would continue even if you got married. If he is flirting with other girls, that will continue or go further, even if he married you. The problem is not him, but you expecting him to be different solely because you want it.

But I don't think you realize what you are chasing after. The Muslim religion allows a man to have up to four wives, so Muslim men generally do not see themselves as limited to only one woman.

"Wives in Islamic societies face great difficulty in suing for divorce, but husbands can be released from their vows virtually on demand, in some places merely by saying "I divorce you" three times. Though in most Muslim states, divorces are entitled to alimony, in Pakistan it lasts only three months, long enough to ensure the woman isn't pregnant.

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Fear of poverty keeps many Muslim women locked in bad marriages, as does the prospect of losing their children. Typically, fathers win custody of boys over the age of six and girls after the onset of puberty.

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Women's rights are compromised further by a section in the Koran, sura 4:34, that has been interpreted to say that men have "pre-eminence" over women or that they are "overseers" of women. The verse goes on to say that the husband of an insubordinate wife should first admonish her, then leave her to sleep alone and finally beat her.

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Each year hundreds of Muslim women die in "honor killings"-- murders by husbands or male relatives of women suspected of disobedience, usually a sexual indiscretion or marriage against the family's wishes. Typically, the killers are punished lightly, if at all." [Lisa Beyer, The Women of Islam, Time World].

There is a reason Paul warns not to get yourself in situation that might force you to compromise your faith. "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?" (II Corinthians 6:14).

Thank you so much. It kind of makes more sense to me now. Apart from the difference in religion, you can't make someone change just because you want them to. I guess I'll just chill out a bit and give him the space and freedom he wants.