Question:

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost two years. We have had sex multiple times now. We started doing it because we decided how much we love each other and that we want to marry each other, but I'm worried now because people are telling me that our marrage will not be blessed by God because we had sex. Is it wrong to have sex with her? Will God still bless my marriage even though we had sex? Can God forgive me and how?


Answer:

This is one of those times I wish I had you and your girlfriend sitting in my office to discuss these matters because it appears there are a number of foundational teachings you missed along the way.

So let's start with a basic fact: "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4). The word translated "bed" in this passage refers to sexual intercourse. The Greeks referred to sex much the same way we do when we say so-and-so were sleeping together. Everyone knows they were doing other things than sleeping. In Greek, the word for "bed" was also the word for what men and women do in bed.

Inside marriage, sex is pure and undefiled. There is no sin when a husband and wife decide to have sex with each other. However, it is a different matter when sex takes place outside of marriage. "Fornication" is when two unmarried people have sex. "Adultery" is when a married person has sex with someone he is not married to. Both of these are sins.

I think you knew that, but you bought the lie that exceptions are made when people love each other and intend to marry. The problem is that God didn't say this. As to why God says you should have waited until you got married before climbing into bed with each other, I want you to read:

Now, think about this for a moment. You and your girlfriend have been breaking God's laws. Yet, at the same time you would like God to bless the two of you. Does that make sense to you? Isn't it a bit like a child who doesn't do a thing around the house and makes his parents miserable, yet expects to get an allowance? "You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures. Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God" (James 4:3-4).

What you and your girlfriend are doing does have an impact on your marriage, if you do get married. (Remember, intentions don't always become realities.) I want you to read:

It is not that these problems can't be overcome, but the fact is that you've made the start of your marriage more difficult that it needed to be. If you are like most couples who get involved in fornication, sex becomes dominate in the relationship. You spend far more time fooling round with each other's bodies than getting to know and appreciate each other as persons. You don't notice at first because you still drift along on the initial relationship. There is still some talk, so the relationship kind of gets maintained, but it definitely doesn't grow like it could have if you weren't spending so much time having sex.

Things are hopeless, but they aren't going to start improving until you make changes. You got to change your attitude toward and behavior regarding fornication. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). Next, you both need to get right with God and that will depend on where you are in your relationship with Him. All sins can be forgiven. The Corinthians, whom we quoted Paul's statement about, had committed similar sins to your own, but they changed. "And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God" (I Corinthians 6:11). Even if you think you are saved, I would like you to read What Must I Do to be Saved? and What Saves a Person? Much of what is taught in denominations is not accurate and there are far too many people who think they are saved without doing all that God said must be done. If you are a Christian, forgiveness of sin merely requires you to admit your faults to God. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (I John 1:9).