Question:

Hi,

I would like to address an issue that's troubling my heart.

First of all, I am a Christian who has recently repented because I sinned against God through fornication. I am trying to get right with God and change my ways for good.

Recently my boyfriend of nearly four years has ended our relationship. We loved each other, and I believed he was the one I would marry. He is a Christian, too, and that's what drew me to him. I prayed to God repeatedly about our relationship and thought I had received little signs like sharing the same Bible scripture as a favorite or renewed love after a testing time, etc. However, the reason he gives for us breaking up is the result of a prophecy. I couldn't believe this, but it appears that he and his family have sought out two other preachers to confirm that I am not to be his wife since he loves me. They told him that I am not a bad person, but that he needs to stop wasting my time and end it. The second prophet even claimed that we would get married and be happy at first, but that after a while I would hate him, and then we would divorce. He appears sad but is very convinced of this prophecy as his family have been going to them for years. He claims he has been fighting the prophecy for two years but this third confirmation makes it true.

I didn't see it coming. Does it mean every time I sought counsel from the Holy Spirit I was wrong? I don't believe these prophets, but I also don't want to question God. I asked him if he prayed to God directly for an answer and he said yes, but he hasn't yet received an answer. This is not common practice where I come from, but it seems like this is what their family does on issues of marriage, finance, etc. So am I supposed to give up on the man I love just because he has given in to these predictions?

Your reply is appreciated. Please pray for me also for God to guide me. Thanks


Answer:

Actually you are both wrong. God said that prophecies have ended. "Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away" (I Corinthians 13:8-10). God has taught us everything we need to know though His Word. "Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord, as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue, by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust" (II Peter 1:2-4). Either you believe what God has said, or you don't, but there is no further revelation from God. "Beloved, while I was very diligent to write to you concerning our common salvation, I found it necessary to write to you exhorting you to contend earnestly for the faith which was once for all delivered to the saints" (Jude 3).

This doesn't mean that God isn't involved in our lives or doesn't answer prayers -- quite the opposite actually -- but God doesn't make your personal choices for you. If He did, you might have a legitimate complaint that this is God's fault. But each choice has always been your own. God teaches you through His Word how to make good choices, but in the end you have to make the good choices for yourself.

Your boyfriend and his family are being lied to by men who claim to speak for God. They have swallowed the lie hook, line, and sinker. "The coming of the lawless one is according to the working of Satan, with all power, signs, and lying wonders, and with all unrighteous deception among those who perish, because they did not receive the love of the truth, that they might be saved. And for this reason God will send them strong delusion, that they should believe the lie, that they all may be condemned who did not believe the truth but had pleasure in unrighteousness" (II Thessalonians 2:9-12). Truth be told, you were lying to yourself as well. You didn't approach God about finding a good husband, you asked God to confirm that the man you already picked was the right one. Thus, you saw as "signs" in every minor event exactly what you wanted to see. (Signs, but the way are miracles that don't happen in the natural world. They aren't coincidences. And signs were given in the past to confirm what God said. God never left His message to be guessed by men.) Since you had your mind made up, you got exactly the answer you wanted.

Even though there was evidence that things were wrong, you plowed ahead anyway. You see, Christians don't commit fornication. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). Worse, this boy claims to have been having sex with you and leading you on for two years while he was thinking he would not marry you. I'm sure there are plenty of excuses why the sex happened, but I'm trying to get you to see the situation as objectively as I can. He has a number of good points, but this boy is also flawed in various ways as well.

Then consider this fact as well. You have been sinning with your boyfriend and at the same time asking God to bless your relationship. God doesn't support sin. Asking him to support a relation that is involved in fornication is completely against what God stands for. "Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us" (I John 5:14). Instead, you were doing the very thing James warned against. "You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures. Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God" (James 4:2-4).

The problem is that when someone is blind to the truth, others can't make them see. The truth can be pointed out, but the person has to love truth more than their desires. Your boyfriend likes having other people make his decisions for him. Whatever happens then isn't really his doing in his mind. He doesn't have to feel guilt because he doesn't accept full responsibility. As a result, I encourage you to try showing him the truth, but very likely he won't listen. Listening will lead to personal pain and guilt as he realizes that he is responsible for being irresponsible.

Thus, what I am saying is give it a shot to turn around, but if he won't listen then prepare yourself to realize that you've learned some hard lessons. When the ache begins to die down, use what you have learned to be a better Christian and find yourself a real Christian man to be your husband.


Thanks very much for your advice. I really wanted peace on this matter and a lot of what you wrote is the truth. I will do my best to make him see what the Bible says. I am looking forward to doing things in my relationships right this time.