My ex-husband wants our daughter at his wedding but she has other plans. How do I help?

Question:

My husband left me for another woman about two years ago. We have a teenage daughter who is amazing. Unfortunately, her dad lives in another state, and she travels there for the holidays and summer break.  My husband married the other woman six months after the divorce (for which he filed) and now they are having a wedding. They never communicated with me that they were having a wedding. The issue is that I have paid for a summer camp for my daughter which goes on during the wedding. I was informed that they were having a wedding recently and now they want my daughter to be at the wedding. I told my daughter that it was her decision whether or not she wanted to go the wedding. Since we didn't know about the ceremony date, it's no ones fault. She decided to do the camp and now she leaves before the wedding date to make the camp date. She feels torn, and she has been crying because her Dad keeps asking her about her decision to go to camp. What should I do? Should I make her go to the wedding (although a part me finds it a little unsettling he wants to share a day with his daughter, with the woman he left me for years ago, but I'm also happy she doesn't want to go -- this I know is the wrong focus)? How should I comfort her?


Answer:

It was her decision, so leave it at that. You took the neutral route of letting her pick what she wanted to do and thus avoided making it a war between what you wanted and what her father wanted. You can tell her that you don't think it is kind of her father to try to pressure her to change her mind, especially at this late date when plans need to be made for either option.