Do I tell my children the truth, that their dad and I had sex before marriage?


My husband and I are both Christians.  However, we had sex before marriage (only with each other).  I have been wondering what to tell my daughters if they ask me if we had sex before marriage.  I am afraid if I tell them the truth, then they will think "well, mama and daddy did it", and it may be easier for them to make that decision.   I have a friend who waited till marriage.  Her mom always told her that she and her dad had waited until marriage.  However, after my friend was married, her mother told her the truth.  She was mad at her mom for not telling her, but she said she probably would have had sex, too, if her mom had been truthful.   So, should I do what my friend's mom did?  Any advice?


First, you are worried about a situation that is not likely to come up. Children are not normally sexual beings, so they won't think about asking a technical question like whether you had sex before marriage or not. Even when children enter adolescence, few want to think about the obvious fact that mom and dad have sex. Unless you or someone else brings up that particular subject, it is highly unlikely that your children will ask on their own.

As you raise them, simply emphasize that sex is to take place after marriage. Give the reasons why not waiting can cause problems. If the question does come up, be honest: "Dad and I weren't very smart when we were young. We foolishly thought we knew better than our parents. We came to regret the fact that we broke God's law and took dangerous risks." In other words, you always keep it in context of what is right and wrong. You never lie and you never make sin to look like it is acceptable.

You situation isn't unique. There are parents who tried smoking, alcohol, drugs, or sex who fortunately learned they were wrong and changed. I've known many who have broken the chain for generations making the same mistakes by not passing the acceptance of sin on to their children.