Question:

I read the articles you had concerning "Sex".

The woman I am courting is a virgin. I on the other hand am not. I was disciplined by the Lord on behalf of my actions from the flesh when I was indulging in pre-marital sex. My girlfriend and I know we want to marry, and we have been falling into acts of sexual immorality . Although we did not have sex all the way, we have done the things leading up to it. My question for you is: should we marry like Paul talks about in Corinthians "If you have no self control it's better to marry than to burn with lustful passions"?

What about her parents? I'm sure they will think we just want to have sex, although that's not the case. We just have fallen in not keeping our boundaries. We understand we lack in self-control, so rather than continue in sinning against the Lord in that area, we understand the extent of our offense toward a holy and righteous God. So we are choosing to go to the courthouse and get married! Would you agree that would be the best idea, since we don't want to keeping falling into that sin?

How should I approach her parents regarding this matter? If they don't agree, is it dishonoring the Lord to still marry her?

I really would love for you to answer this question in depth with some encouraging words as well. Thank you for your responses. I'm sure you get that a lot but honestly you have no idea the impact your answers are having on me and my girlfriend's life. I am looking forward to your reply.


Answer:

You are asking me to make a judgment based on very little information. If you are going to get married and the temptation to have sex is difficult to resist, then, yes, you are better off getting married than giving in to sin. Paul, in I Corinthians 7, was recommending that people delay marriage because of the upcoming persecution, but he made it clear that you don't give into sin just because you are putting off marriage. "But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:8-9). I cannot gauge you ability to exercise self-control; that is something only you can answer.

But understand that it isn't just intercourse that is a sin. Oral sex is still sex and is considered fornication (I Corinthians 6:9-10). Sexual touching and the like falls under the category of lewdness (Romans 13:13-14). Thoughts of having sex with someone you are not married to is lust. Therefore, while you are talking about pleasing God, you have not been succeeding to do so.

It would be better to have both your parent's approval for your marriage. You two will still be a part of an extended family, so it is better to begin in a good relationship. However, there is nothing in the Scriptures that state that adults need their parents' permission to marry. Obedience is commanded of children (Ephesians 6:1). But you still owe both your parent's honor, so you need to discuss the matter with them.

If you want to convince her parents that you should marry their daughter, then you need to lay out why this marriage should take place that does not include the fact that you've been sinning. If you cannot make such a case, then you would be admitting they are right -- this is only about being able to have sex.