I always see people being blessed -- everyone except me. I used to be closer to God than I am today. Five years ago I miscarried a child, and I was so discouraged. Before that, I would pray all day but after that happened, I didn't see any reason to. I dusted myself off and went on with my life. Suddenly I'm forced to deal with that situation again. The problem is that I'm not an atheist. I do believe that there is a God and that He is Lord. I also believe that I'm not His favorite person. I've done bad, but I know people that have done worse. I see these people being blessed with children, love, marriages -- a good life. I just have myself and a child. I work hard for pretty much nothing. I've contemplated suicide many times but would never following through. Who wants to live a life full of sorrow, heartbreak? Especially when the people that have hurt me the most are being blessed the most. I have nobody to talk to who could really answer my questions so I'm writing in. In my head I go back and forth with what I know about God and how I feel. Am I being attacked by Satan? I wonder if I'm forgiven for my past. Sometimes when I pray, I ask myself why I'm praying. I'm living in a personal nightmare, and I don't know what to do. Help please!
As Paul pointed out, "For there is no partiality with God" (Romans 2:11), so the idea that any of us are less favored by God is false. Good and bad things happen to all people. The real problem that we have is that we tend to only see what we expect to find, and we ignore the contradictory information. Aseph wrote about that: "But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled; My steps had nearly slipped. For I was envious of the boastful, When I saw the prosperity of the wicked" (Psalms 73:2-3). He nearly gave up until he realized he wasn't seeing the complete picture. "If I had said, "I will speak thus," Behold, I would have been untrue to the generation of Your children. When I thought how to understand this, It was too painful for me- Until I went into the sanctuary of God; Then I understood their end. Surely You set them in slippery places; You cast them down to destruction" (Psalms 73:15-18).
Comparing your life to anyone else is not a reasonable thing to do. You know every intricate detail of your life, along with your motives and thoughts. You only know the surface of other people's lives and you have no idea why those things happened or what those people were thinking. That cannot lead to a fair comparison between your life and theirs. "For we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise" (II Corinthians 10:12). So when you say, you've sinned but not as bad as others, by what standard can you rate sin? All sins carry the same result: "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 6:23).
What needs to be done is to look at just your life and see what can be improved. Some things in life are beyond our control. Typically miscarriages have nothing to do with a person unless there was drugs and alcohol involved. Most miscarriages occur because there were severe genetic defects in the child and he wasn't able to survive even to birth. So to become depressed over something you cannot control is a fruitless use of your time. "Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?" (Matthew 6:27).
But there are other aspects of our lives that we have some measure of control, yet we tend to over look these. God's laws layout the best ways to live life. As Moses told Israel, "And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God require of you, but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all His ways and to love Him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to keep the commandments of the LORD and His statutes which I command you today for your good?" (Deuteronomy 10:12-13). Yet people get it into their heads that they can go their own way and somehow achieve better results. "Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life" (Galatians 6:7-8). The imagery of sowing and reaping is telling because a farmer doesn't just plant one seed and expect to get a seed back out. He plants in expectation of getting more out than he put in. Life is that way. We get more out of the same thing we put in. "They sow the wind, and reap the whirlwind" (Hosea 8:7).
I don't know what sins you've been involved in. I'm taking it that you are hinting that you've been involved in fornication. Someone's got your pregnant but because he made no commitment, he isn't around to deal with the results. But if that is so, that is the past. You don't have to live there. You can instead change your life around. Be a true Christian and start living as God directs everyone through His Word. "Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:13-14). Life is still going to have its ups and downs, but when you know glory awaits at the end, then the burdens of life become insignificant. "For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal" (II Corinthians 4:17-18).
Despite all that has gone on, God has blessed you with a child. That child deserves a loving mother who will teach her how to live a better life, so don't abandon those who really need you just because you made a few mistakes. Leave the past behind and reach for the glory ahead.