Question:

I am so pleased to see that there is a question section here! I am so lost and stuck in a rut and need nothing but the word of God with proper direction.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years. We are in our early twenties. We are having premarital sex. It kills me every time we have sex because I know it isn't glorified by God. We have lived together once for a year. It didn't work out because we brought the worst out in each other and got physically, verbally, and mentally abusive. More recently, after the split, we are talking again, and he has just purchased a house. He wants me to move in, but I don't want to move in until I am married. He insists that he will propose one day. But then I feel like not only will we continue to live in shame, but we will be living in shame in the same house. I foresee problems. He thinks I'm crazy because of it.

So we went to couples therapy. Our therapist diagnosed us as "Damsel in Distress and Rescuer" type of relationship. She said we can continue therapy sessions to work out all our millions flaws, but God is nowhere in this picture.

I want so badly to be pure before my wedding. To walk down the aisle to my husband, awaiting our future home and our first time coming together as one. I want to repent for my sins. I want him to repent, but God is not a part of his life. Another problem is that he thinks I am crazy when I discuss how we will go to hell. I am scared because I love him so much, and I feel like I can not live without him. But I am also scared because I know he will never change.

I am confused as to leave or to stay. I am so lost. My entry to heaven is so much more important than my entry to a relationship of sin that may or may not work out. I do have a fire burning love for him. I just don't know. :(


Answer:

The only answer I can provide you is what God says about the matter. In this case the answer is straight forward, but you'll find it hard emotionally.

Being a Christian isn't a haphazard way of living. It requires dedication. "If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple" (Luke 14:26-27). "Hate" here is not talking about despising someone else but is talking about comparative importance. If you put what other people want ahead of following Christ, then you will not truly follow Christ.

The simple fact is that you are committing fornication. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). You can repent of it, just as the Corinthians did of their sins. "And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God" (I Corinthians 6:11). However, you can't expect to have it both ways. You're going to have to make up your mind.

There is one reason why the fornication is continuing and that is because you are allowing him to crawl into bed with you. You know it is wrong and you can say "no" if you wanted to.

You said that he isn't going to change. He really has no motivation to change. He isn't interested in becoming a Christian. He even thinks that Christian beliefs are crazy. Yet, you don't accept that. You keep hoping for something that he isn't willing to do. I would like all the world to follow Christ, but I also know it isn't going to happen. When I run into someone who is clearly uninterested, I move on because there are too many other people who are interested. I do pray that someone will get through to them later, but it isn't worth wasting time trying to force something to happen.

You lived together and fought, so why would it change this time? You want to get married, but all he wants to offer you is an empty promise of "some day." If you are good enough to marry now, then why do you want to give your body away to a man who doesn't appreciate you enough to commit himself to you for the rest of his life?

It sounds to me that you are infatuated with this man. You like the sex and you keep pretending that he is something that he isn't. If you want to experience love, then you need to find someone who you like for who they are. Love isn't about sex, it is about the people.