Question:

Hello,

I was hoping you could help me with a problem I have been struggling with for a couple of weeks. I have a Christian friend who has become involved in a relationship where she has started having sex with her boyfriend and occasionally smoking and taking drugs because he does too.Since she started dating him she has stopped going to church much. She has told me that she now has contracted an STI from him and is unable to have sex until the symptoms have gone away, although she will always carry it now. They are both struggling with the relationship now and finding it hard to restrain themselves.

I have been praying for her every day since I found this out, and the more I pray, the more I think that God is trying to bring her back to Him and that's the reason behind all this. How can I tell her though without her thinking that I'm judging her? I don't want to betray her trust as I know I am the only person she has told, but I just don't want her to regret this or stay in the relationship if it's going to be unhealthy for her. She says she's prayed a lot more and felt closer to God since they haven't been sleeping together, but I worry that as soon as she finishes treatment and starts having sex again, she will drift away from God once more.

Any advice please would be great. Thank you.


Answer:

Once again the mythical command to never judge anyone appears. Look at the command in context: "Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove the speck from your eye'; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye" (Matthew 7:1-5). This is a command against bias judgment where you think that what others ought to do doesn't apply to you. Notice that at the end Jesus did not say leave the person in their sins. He said to get your life right with God first and then help the other person get their life right.

Jesus commanded, "Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment" (John 7:24). The conclusion that all judgment is forbidden is incorrect. Righteous judgment involves making decision not by your own feelings but using God's teachings as the determiner of what is right and wrong. In this regard we follow our Lord's leading: "I can of Myself do nothing. As I hear, I judge; and My judgment is righteous, because I do not seek My own will but the will of the Father who sent Me" (John 5:30).

Worse, God holds us accountable when we see someone sinning and we do nothing. "When I say to the wicked, 'You shall surely die,' and you give him no warning, nor speak to warn the wicked from his wicked way, to save his life, that same wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood I will require at your hand. Yet, if you warn the wicked, and he does not turn from his wickedness, nor from his wicked way, he shall die in his iniquity; but you have delivered your soul. Again, when a righteous man turns from his righteousness and commits iniquity, and I lay a stumbling block before him, he shall die; because you did not give him warning, he shall die in his sin, and his righteousness which he has done shall not be remembered; but his blood I will require at your hand. Nevertheless if you warn the righteous man that the righteous should not sin, and he does not sin, he shall surely live because he took warning; also you will have delivered your soul" (Ezekiel 3:18-21).

God says, "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). That is not any man's opinion. That is a statement of fact. Your friend is committing fornication. If she doesn't repent of that sin she won't make it to heaven. God also said that Christians are to live sober lives. "For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age" (Titus 2:10-11). Therefore, her drinking and drug use is also condemned by God, not you and me.

What you need to do is point her to these verses and let her see that what she is doing is wrong. You aren't condemning her. She has condemned herself by her actions. Right now she is lying to herself that she can sin and God won't care. What you are doing is helping her see that she is trapped in sin and needs to get out. Whether she does get out or not is her decision, and you and I can pray that she makes the right decision.

"And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will" (II Timothy 2:24-26).