Question:

Hi,

I am concerned about my current decision to be in a relationship with a particular man. We have been good friends for nearly a year now, and have recently discovered how compatible we are, in almost every way. However, this is not the case. The one thing that is of great importance to me -- being a devout Christian and prayerful to God -- is not there. He was an atheist who has recently turned agnostic, upon his comprehension that there actually exists a higher being, through the way I live my life.

I am in such a great confusion, because I asked God for a man, and He sends me one -- complete with all the qualities that I had sought out for a future spouse -- but lacks the fervent devotion to God.

Now this man notes how much he adores and likes me for who I am as a person. He says that many girls should live their life the way I do, because I live according to the teachings of the Bible, most especially with retaining my morals. I feel as though I should look at him as "the one," on account of the fact that he possesses all the qualities that I have been wanting in a future husband, but for some reason I cannot fully love him because of the fact that He does not match-up to my standards of loving God. I am thinking to myself that I should consider this man to be "the one," but I do not understand why I do not feel a "spark" to our possible relationship.

He is willing to wait for me, and notes how I will eventually find the answer as time goes on. He lives his life as though he was obeying the commandments of God, and is actually sincere with every word he says. I feel so disgruntled for praying for another man because the man that He may or may not have intended to be my future husband, despite being compatible with me in every way, has his future with me jeopardized because of the fact that he is an agnostic. I cried one evening, asking God if I was being disgruntled for not being satisfied with a person that He has sent to me, and I told Him how I didn't know if I should keep praying for another man to come into my life because I felt as though I was pestering Him. At that instant, I suddenly spotted a shooting star in the night sky -- something that I have never witnessed in my life. I don't know if that was God's way of communicating with me, nor do I know what He means by flashing a shooting star across the night sky, if it was indeed, a sign from God for me. Another thing was that this man went all the way to consult his cousin, a pastor, who had advised him as to our possibility of being together in the future, and the next time I saw him, he pulled out a piece of paper with some notes and Bible passages about couples, and began to elaborate on them and what he had learned from his cousin. I can see that he is doing everything to make "us" happen.

But even if he is everything I always wanted, why don't I get excited or feel that sensation of being in-love whenever I am with him? He claims that it is because we started out as friends, but even so, why aren't the feelings that he has for me mutual with the feelings I have for him? Should I drop this possible relationship completely because of the absence of his love for God or should I give him a chance? Is this a test from God? Help.


Answer:

Where do you find feelings being called love? Read through I Corinthians 13:4-8 and tell me where are the butterflies in the stomach and the passion?

Right now you are taking normal natural events and turning them into "signs." A meteor (a shooting star) in a frequent event. Since thousands probably saw the same event, for whom was it a sign -- if it was one? Signs in the Bible are miracles -- events that don't normally take place. Natural occurrences are not signs. See "Does God send us signs?" All I see from your account is a young woman who doesn't know whether to follow her head or her emotions. "He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, But whoever walks wisely will be delivered" (Proverbs 28:26).

Love starts with a decision and the feelings follow. The feelings are not the determiner. And putting the blame on God for making an unwise decision just compounds the problem. God tells us through His book, the Bible, how to make good decisions regarding a mate. If you ignore God's advice, then the only one you'll have to blame is yourself.

I don't advise Christians to marry someone of a different religion. It isn't a sin to do so, but it certainly isn't the wisest choice. Most people don't realize how much they will be influenced by a partner. "Do not be deceived: "Evil company corrupts good habits"" (I Corinthians 15:33). If this man eventually sincerely decides to become a Christian, then that would solve the problem, but until that point I would point out that you are creating all sorts of problems for yourself. For example, at the moment you two don't have the same moral standards. So what happens if there is a conflict? How is it going to get resolved when you two don't see the issue in the same light?

You are talking about the rest of your life on earth. Such a decision needs to be made carefully with deep thought. Being carried away by emotions is fun and not as taxing, but emotions don't last. The real question are you going to become a better person by marrying this man.