Question:

Hi,

I came across your web site and read about what the Bible say about boyfriend and girlfriend relations. I have one question: I loved one of my classmates and she also loved me. We both are believers and born again Christians. Before coming to this relation I prayed to God, "If you want, then allow me to have this relationship; otherwise I don't want this happen." Finally I ended up having a relationship with her and always prayed for the success of my relationship. One day she said that she doesn't want to continue with this relationship as her family won't accept this relation as we both have caste problems.

This statement was really hard for me to accept. She also strongly told me to not to disturb her anymore and now we are not in a relationship. The thing is I was very confident in this relationship and my ultimate goal was just to marry her. With such intention only I got into a relationship with her and God is my witness for this.

The last time I spoke to her she talked with me as if I and she never met and known each other. She was getting irritated at my presence. Frankly, I never expected that she would do this to me.After this I was struck with bitterness and wanted to scold her badly. But I didn't do it and came out of it by God's grace. Even now I face such thoughts. By God's grace I am coming out of such activities.

My question is what shall I do now? Shall I pray to God for her return, just leave it, or forget her? Frankly speaking I am not willing to give her up. I don't know why, but this is the truth.


Answer:

I see two problems. First, you attributed to God your own desires and feelings. Nothing that happened indicates that God wanted you to marry this one particular person. God teaches us how to pick a good spouse, but the Bible doesn't say God does the picking for us. See: Do you think God created one special person for you? and Does God have a say in whom we choose as a spouse?

The second problem is that you appear to have become obsessive in your relationship. Why are you trying to make something work when she has told you "no?" It would be better to put your efforts into pursuing someone who want to be with you. A relationship involves two people and those two have to agree. If she is not interested in marrying you, then you have to accept the fact that she does have free choice.

I accept what you said, and I gone through the web site links you have provided to me. It was an eye opener for me. I have one more question as I came to know that she is just avoiding because of her family pressure, so what shall I do now?

Family pressure or not, she has a right to make her own decisions. She decided to end her relationship to you. You indicated that you would like it to continue, she has turned you down. You need to accept the simple fact that other people will make decisions that you think are not right. Your only choice is to move on and look for another woman.

It was a really hard call for me to leave her alone. But anyhow by God's grace I am able to get it out of it. Yes you are right she has the right to make her decision. I accept and respect her decision. I am happy that God has given each and every being on the earth to make their own choices. I can't force my decision on other I learned. If I keep on forcing my decision on others It will just going to hurt me. It's better that I start to let go things and just turst God in everything I do. Thanks Jeffrey for all your useful thoughts and help you have given to me. Thanks a lot.