I thank God for directing me† to your web site.
I have been married for nearly a decade and have had two failed pregnancies.† During the marriage my husband started using crack, had huge gambling debts, and, I believe, fornication and spending time out of the family home. I stayed with my husband because I loved him unconditionally and strongly believed that he could change his ways and became the husband I wanted him to be. There were a lot of tears, painful experiences, and financial problems including my health problems. I still believed he could change and see the errors of his way, but it seemed he was blind and couldn't see me or my efforts.
I decided to focus on my education, went to college and to university and graduated a few years ago. On my graduation day he was in prison and was devastated, as he is the only family I have,† and couldn't be there to celebrate this special day. While in he was in prison he wrote to me, promising to change his ways, and asking me to wait for him. As a wife i waited for him, and he came out.
It didn't take long time for him to pursue his old ways. I still left the door opened for him, even if we didn't have sex for nearly five years. Sex was important but my love for him was too deep that i didn't see it as a problem. Although outsiders would encourage me to act in other ways, I stood by marriage even though it was painful to hear rumors of him with women. Deep down I always knew that he wasn't perfect, but I loved him for what he who is. I continued to† believe that if I change myself, he might see the good in me.†
Unfortunately in situations like this, the devil is always present, and desperation lead to desperate† behavior. I went out to a club with a friend and in moment of weakness, I gave my number to a guy, which led to adultery. I moved out of my family home as my husband was no longer coming† home and heard rumors he was staying with girls. I just couldn't take it. I continued having a sexual and emotional relationship with this person for nearly a year. This person provided me with all that I lacked in my marriage. I felt blinded by love and felt this guy was compatable with me. He met my desires and my needs. But deep down† there were element of humiliation and guilty knowing that i was committing adultery as I was still married.
I also maintained contact with my husband. He knew I was with someone else, and he was also seeing someone. Through guilt, pain, humiliation and strong love for my husband, I ended the relationship with this guy. Since then I started soul searching and asked God to forgive my sins. I† have taken responsibility of my action and asked God to wash my sins and cleanse me. I have fasted, asking God to forgive me and†also asking forgiveness from my husband†regardless of our past and mistakes.
Ealier this year my husband and i started communicating in more detail, and he invited me to his native country to meet the rest of his family and extended family members. He opened to me for the time in his life. He was honest with me, he confessed to cheating before our separation, and he also told me he was hurt when he found out that I was seeing someone else. In short, we discussed of restoring our marriage and of having children. He told me he loves me. Since then I have been praying to God to guide us on our path and to restore our marriage. I love my husband and†I feel broken, hurt and so ashamed of my adultery. I know I shouldn't have stooped so low and listened to friends, but I was in a dark moment. I wish someone could have prayed for my marriage.
Since committing my life to God, studying the Bible, and actively going to church and prayer meetings, I realized my marriage could have been saved by God and prayers.
My question is since we both have committed adultery, we are in the process of reconciliation, and I'm still praying for the restoration of my marriage, will God bless our marriage? I'm also praying for my husband's soul and asking God to guard our marriage as marriages are under attack and are short lived. I will also request you to pray for the restoration of my marriage and for my husband.
"The curse of the LORD is on the house of the wicked, but He blesses the home of the just" (Proverbs 3:33).
The Lord blesses those who strive to follow after Him. Both you and your husband have done many things contrary to God, but if you two continue to change to be found pleasing to him then things will improve. I hope that you will do a Peter urged to "grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ" (II Peter 3:18).
Don't turn a blind eye toward sin as you have done in the past. When you see a problem, work to get it corrected. Encourage your husband when you see him doing what is right, but don't excuse his bad behaviors. You don't want to be in a position of supporting Satan because you won't take a stand against what is evil. The Greek society fell in this manner. "Who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them" (Romans 1:32).
I hope your future is better than your past.