Question:

Good evening! I so much enjoyed your web site that I found tonight. I've saved it as a favorite. Thank you for this opportunity to email you. I'm hoping you can help me.

My fiance and I have been engaged for about a year and a half. We have dated for over ten years. We are practical and work together in two different businesses, so we are a busy couple.

My issue is that I'm trying to plan a wedding. I would like a small wedding. He would like to go to the justice of the peace. I never ask for anything. I work and pay my own mortgage, utilities, and all other expenses. I do have children at my home whom I support as a single parent. He has his own house. We live near each other. He stays at my house each night.

He has money but doesn't want to pay for a wedding. I told him it would be about seven thousand.

What should I do? I don't think he is being fair to me because he spends money on anything else he wants.

My feelings are hurt.


Answer:

You put me in a slight quandary. I'm glad you are finally getting married, but you've been violating God's law by sleeping together. "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4). Doing what is right is far more important than how much is spent on a wedding.

At the moment you two are not married. His spending is his own choice. Your spending is your choice. That changes after you are married, but right now it is different.

Weddings cost whatever you want to spend. Some of the most memorable are those where little or no money was spent. My wife and I spent only $500, including our honeymoon, when we married 30 years ago. We had our wedding in a state park. I held a wedding a few years ago in a local town park. The attire for that one was blue jeans. So figure out what you are able to spend on your wedding and then start having fun figuring out how to make it happen.

But until then, stop thinking that God's laws don't apply to your situation.

First of all, thank you for taking the time and effort to email me with your response. Your time is appreciated and respected.

Secondly, thank you again for your straight forward and honest answers.

And lastly, but not least, you are correct in all regarding your answers. I am a Christian, and I do know that it is wrong, and I do know that being married is the most important so that I am abiding by God's law. He is a brand new Christian. I have been speaking with him about Christianity. He was raised Catholic and, praise God, he just bought a Bible this past weekend. We are now searching for a church to attend, that is a Bible teaching church. I do need to repent of my living because I know better. We have been together for over a decade. I have struggled at times to make our relationship work and we just got engaged over a year ago. Until then marriage was not an option for him. I've seen him change as he has realized the important things in life.

I know we have done wrong. I know that the most important thing is being married. The difference is that although I am a very practical woman and he is mostly practical, it's the difference between the man and woman because I believe that women (mostly) want a wedding because of the sentimental memories that are there. Men, on the other hand, could care less really.

I guess my issues are that he spends money on other things. All the while I'm saving him so much money in business each day that I feel that he is being selfish. As for me, I happen to be someone that likes to celebrate birthdays, Christmas and special occasions. I spend very wisely on a daily and weekly basis. It's just special things -- I feel these times should have special attention. May God forgive me if I'm wrong on this.

At any rate, I will look at our plans with him and go from there as you instructed.

I thank you for your time and guidence. May God continue to bless you.