Question:

Hello sir,

I am 22 years old and in college. I am having a certain relationship with a lady on campus. I used to love her but not anymore. Yesterday, I lost my virginity with her, and I feel so ashamed. I know in I Corinthians 6 that if I confess, God will forgive me, but I am not worth His forgiveness. What do I do? And how to get rid of this lady? Sir, I love Christ and want to serve him with all my life. How do I follow my calling and throw away these worldly lusts? Sir, help me out.


Answer:

"Can a man take fire to his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one walk on hot coals, and his feet not be seared?" (Proverbs 6:27-28).

You played around with the fire of sex and found out that it burns. Yes, you sinned. Technically, none of us deserve forgiveness of our sin because we all sin (Romans 3:23). But why do you think you are worse than any other sinner? You are not the first man to commit fornication, nor will you be the last. The wonder of God is that He considers everyone worth saving -- including you. "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8).

If you really want to please God, then stop giving excuses for why you can't do as He commanded. "If you love Me, keep My commandments" (John 14:15). Pick yourself up and start living righteously. As Paul said to the Corinthians who were guilty of similar sins, "And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God" (I Corinthians 6:11). If you have been baptized into Christ, you need to be. If you are in Christ, then you need to confess your faults to God. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (I John 1:9).

In regards to this woman, you need to explain to me why your attitude changed toward her. Are you saying you had sex with her after you stopped loving her, or are you saying you stopped loving her because you had sex with her? Which leads to the question of why did you have sex with her.

People break up all the time, so it isn't hard to do, but you may have obligations still. For instance, you might have gotten her pregnant.

One thing that I do want you to do is go and get tested for STDs. I assume she has been with other guys, so I don't want you having physical problems along with your spiritual problems.

In regards to the future. You have to realize that you are a male. Being a Christian doesn't make you immune to physical desire. "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall. No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it" (I Corinthians 10:12-13). The problem is that when you are caught up in sexual passion you don't think about escaping from sin; thus, you need to avoid situations that get you sexual aroused. You have to say "no" and walk away, even when you feel like your dying inside to stay. "Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts" (Romans 13:13-14). You have to make rules for yourself, such as I will not allow myself to be alone with a woman when no one else is around. Instead of counting on your ability to resist, you assume that you might not be able to resist, so you make the opportunities for sex unlikely.

Sir,

Thank you for your time, advise, encouragement and everything. To explain things about the woman, we are both active in school and met there, and we became lovers. She had a guy before we met, and they were having some problems. She never told me about the guy. She only told me about the guy after my proposal have been accepted.

Later I found out that she was still interested in the guy, and the guy was still interested in her, too. I wanted to back off but she began professing her love to me. My love for her, though, was gone.

What happened as to the sex: she asked me to visit her concerning a course I did last semester, which she is taking this semester. I did not know her roommate was not around.

Sir, to be honest I hate her

I know it is after the fact, but as soon as you realized her roommate was not there, the proper thing to have done would have been to walk out and if she wanted to talk she could go with you to a public place.

The reason she seduced you was from the mistaken notion that if you had sex with her then it meant you still loved her. She was likely trying to repair a broken relationship with sex, but sex can't glue back together what is already broken.

You can't undo what happened, but you can leave the past behind and continue more determined to do what is right in God's sight.