Why can't I meet my girlfriend? I want to talk with her once more. I want to say I'm sorry to her. I want to feel her once more. My eyes are eager to see her. Can't I see her just once? Can't God show some mercy on me and allow her to meet me once? The days are like hell. Nights are full of memories. I miss her. If I die, then will we together. I know she loves me a lot and would do anything for me. Can't we meet if I die? I miss her, and I am crazy to see her now. Please show me some way.
Beyond saying you want to see her, you have told me nothing. I don't know why you can't see her, what is preventing you, or what happened in the past. I can't offer advice without knowing the situation.
She has to love me badly. I love her too, but because of some problem, I was unable to confess my thoughts. I love her too. One day she called me and said if I don't accept her, then she will commit suicide. I was totally shocked. This happened several times. I still avoid it. One day in anger I said do whatever you want. I don't care for you. It hurt her. She tried to talk with me, but I didn't respond. And after three days she killed herself.
The dead cannot be brought back to this life. She made a grave error that cannot be reversed. You, however, are alive. You have to move on and accomplish things. Continually beating yourself up over this doesn't do you, or anyone you know, any good.
The problem is I miss her, really badly. How can I overcome through this? I try my best. I keep myself always busy, but whenever I am alone I miss her, badly, and sometimes I hurt myself for it. I can't talk regarding this to anyone because only I know the real reason behind her death. I feel guilty. Her family is close to me. Her brother is my best friend. If they came to know the real reason, then they will never forgive me for it. I have cried thousands of times for her. Her dad hardly speaks now. He had become silent. How should I control my mind. How should I?
"For what man knows the things of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him?" (I Corinthians 2:11).
I know you feel confident that you know why she killed herself, but the truth is that none of us really know what is going on in other people's heads. People tell us some things and we can make some guesses from what we know, but in the end we don't know everything.
I know there is a lot to your story that you aren't mentioning. I don't know what you and she were disagreeing about prior to her death, but it is clear that she was using the threat of suicide to try and get you to change your mind. In fact, she used it so often that you didn't believe she would really kill herself. I gather you don't like people trying to pressure you into a decision.
But please allow me to be blunt. She didn't have to kill herself. Whatever problem that existed wasn't solved by her death. Every person is responsible for the decisions he makes. "The soul who sins shall die. The son shall not bear the guilt of the father, nor the father bear the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself" (Ezekiel 18:20). You did not decide for her to kill herself -- your grief over his choice tells me that. It is she, and she alone, who made a terribly bad choice.
The reason her father is so quiet is similar to your own grief. He saw things before her death but didn't realize the track of her mind. He, too, is playing "what if" in his mind. Both of you have to come to terms that the past cannot be changed. And neither of you are responsible for the choice she made.
Of course you wished she didn't kill herself. You know it didn't make anything better. You miss her, but the fact is that she chose to leave, destroying the gift of life that God gave her, ending any hope she had of making her life and the world around her better. I feel sorry for her because she didn't use her head.
You're are alive and life goes on. Carry the memories of the good times with you. Feel sorry that she didn't choose to share life with those who loved her. Are there things that you could do better in resolving problems? Quite likely. All of us learn each day. But you are responsible for your decisions, not the decisions of others. If you did things wrong, then let's talk about how you can become a better man in your decisions. Perhaps in the future you will be able to talk someone else out of making a foolish choice.
I will try. I will try to live my life happily. And I will try to accept the past.