After nearly twenty years of marriage, my husband told me he was gay, has always been gay, and had been participating in homosexual acts.

Our marriage had been a troubling one from the beginning. We were young, not well prepared for our first child. There was mental abuse and physical abuse. I strayed outside the marriage. I turned from that sin and committed myself to my marriage. We did a little counseling until my husband did not want to hear it anymore. He forgave me and came back to the marriage only to use it as a reason for his abusive actions. I tried to mend the marriage from my side; after all, these were the consequences of my sin. However, once he came to me with this news, not immediately but some time later, I felt as though God had released me from the marriage. I have not been able to afford an attorney for a divorce and with kids, you must make ends meet.

In the meantime, not out of searching, I met a wonderful man. However, we have made the wrong choice and engaged in sex. We both justified it. Yes, sex outside of marriage is wrong but at least we were both "not married." Of course this justification comes after the fact.

Now, he, a devote Christian in the churches of Christ, says that we can never have a sexual relationship even within marriage that is pleasing to God because we would both just be adulterers and our souls would be in jeopardy. We have abstained from our sexual relationship, but we both love each other! We are both willing to stay in the relationship, unending and without sexual intimacy. He says we can't marry because a marriage must include sex and we cannot engage in that due to our situation.

I still feel that God released me from my marriage in light of my husbands confession of homosexuality. I don't even know what to ask. I will forever abstain from sex to be with this man! What kind of relationship, if any, will God bless? Our souls not be a risk from spending eternity in heaven?


You both created a mess. And despite his claim of being a member of the church, he is not following God's teachings at the moment.

You do have a legitimate reason to divorce your husband. He is committing fornication (sexual sin) through his homosexuality. With that divorce, you would have had the right to marry again. However, you did not end the marriage; I assume because you wanted to keep him tied to supporting you and the children.

Your claim that you "felt" released is worthless. Even when a spouse is involved in fornication, there is no requirement that the marriage must end. God gives an allowance if a person so chooses, but not it is never a requirement. Since you did not end the marriage, you are still married. If you tried to marry someone else, it would legitimately be called bigamy. When you had sex with this new man, you were committing adultery.

Let's say that you did get a divorce in the past. Your sexual relationship with this new man would still be sinful because you two did not marry before crawling into bed. You would have been committing fornication. Hence, even your false justification is actually a condemnation of both of you.

"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).

It is not right or proper for you to be living with a man to whom you are not married, even if you are claiming to be refraining from sex. At the moment you are pretending to be married when you are not. You made a mistake so the first thing is that you and this man must live separately.

I assume your husband is still involved in homosexuality, so instead of pretending to end your marriage, make it a reality since I doubt you plan to return to him because of his sins (Matthew 19:9).

When your situation is straightened out, and both of you have repented of your sins, then you can discuss whether you want to marry. But until a marriage takes place, you cannot live with this or any other man.

I have created a mess, but some things I made unclear. I have only not ended the marriage because I could not financially afford to get a divorce. He left me with children, loads of debt and our checking account almost a thousand in the negative. It was only due to family that my girls and I did not end up living on the streets. Currently, I am working assiduously toward that divorce!

Also, I am not living with this new man. Onoccasion, we have spent nights together, but we live inseparatehouseholds,separate cities in fact. We both realize that our sexual relationship was not honoring God, so we have stopped! I love this man, and I know he loves me. Together we are asking for forgiveness and enjoying a relationship that does not include sex. However, if God will never honor and bless a union between us for the things we have already done, then I want to release him, (for lack of a better term). I don't want to keep him in a relationship where there is no future for a real, God-blessed union.

Since you have corrected your sins, then when you do complete the divorce, you will be able to marry this other man. Your subsequent sin does not change the fact that your current husband has remained in sexual sin. Take care of matters in the proper order and you won't have a mess to deal with.