Question:

I'm a Christian girl and I have been dating a Christian boy for almost a year now. We kiss and hug but now he wants me to give him a hand job. I know that he loves me for me not because of my body, etc. I'm truly afraid that if I give him a hand job, I will be committing a sin or adultery. I know God is forgiving, gives us strength when we need it, and also shows and performs miracles. I know that because God has shown many miracles in my family. Is it OK if I give him a hand job without committing adultery or sinning? We truly love each other and I don't want to do anything that will have God despise me. So my question is: Is it OK if I give him a hand job? Is giving a hand job a sin? Is giving a hand job committing adultery?


Answer:

Your boyfriend might be claiming to be a Christian, but he certainly isn't acting like a Christian. A "hand job" is slang for mutual masturbation; using the hand to stimulate the genitals. Saying that it does not lead to sex is a misnomer. It would be more accurate to state that in this case intercourse did not take place, but in a sexual relationship the touching of the each other's genitals is a part of foreplay that typically leads up to intercourse. In other words it is a part of sex, you just didn't complete it at this time.

Paul stated, "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman" (I Corinthians 7:1). Paul is not talking about holding hands. He is stating that men and women ought not to sexually touch each other outside of marriage. Sex and the things that lead up to sexual intercourse only belong within a marriage.

While giving or receiving a hand job, I can say for certainty that you and he aren't thinking about tomorrow's homework assignment. "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). Even though you don't commit actual fornication, because you were thinking about it and your desire it, the only thing between you and the actual sin is your opportunity to join in intercourse. Because you strongly desired (lust) for fornication, you are just as guilty of that sin as another person who actually commits fornication. "For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man" (Mark 7:21-23).

You also attempt to excuse your sin because you "love" him. But what he is asking you to do isn't love. "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails" (I Corinthians 13:4-8). Notice the three phrases that I highlighted. Is fondling another person's genitals something done in polite company? Does it cause a person to think pure thoughts? Is it encouraging a person into sin? Love causes a person to protect the one he loves from all harm. Instead he is encouraging sinful thoughts and sinful actions. You are putting yourself and the one you claim to love in danger of the wrath of God. How is that love?

A hand job falls into the category of sin that is called lewdness. "Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, ... and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God" (Galatians 5:19-20).

Why is he asking for a hand job? Because he really wants to have intercourse, but he knows you won't agree to that, so he picked something that he figures you'll give in to. However, the nature of sin is not to stop there. Soon he'll be asking to return the "favor" to you. After a while it will involve less and less clothing. Before you know it you'll be writing to tell me in tears that you committed fornication and you don't know how it happened, it wasn't what you intended, it was an accident, and is it possible that you got pregnant.

There are reasons why God said not to start things that you can't morally finish. "Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts" (Romans 13:13-14).