I have a question to ask you: In my youth I was baptized and gave my life to Jesus, but I did not take it seriously. I fell back into sin and lived in sin. After couple of years the Lord drew me, delivered me, and started working in me, changing me. But after a few months I fell from faith completely because of rejection. I was rejected, it got worse, and I responded to it with bitterness, hatred, and jealousy toward people. I left the faith because of it.
I started listening to evil music and later on even looking through the Internet in order to find spells to cast on the people. I was interested in witchcraft and read on paganism. I even prayed in my heart simply asking Satan to give me ability to compose music. I even wanted to join the Freemasons and Illuminati. I sent them an appeal through e-mail, but I was afraid to join them. To cast spells or use magic I only said some spells in my heart. I even wanted to persecute believers and wished to be the Antichrist in order to harm believers. Nonetheless, I did not do anything. I just had it planned in my mind and sought to make it happen. I was singing songs, such as Rap songs or Trance and Rock, using the hand sign of Satan to worship him. I mocked God and the Gospel.
I came back after a while again to the Lord and until now I have been living with Jesus. I repented, but I want to ask a question. After the terrible and unthinkable things I did, is there any hope for me, at all, not to be cast to the lake of fire? I have fears and depression that disable me from doing anything. I have fears that I sinned this too much time having left God for witchcraft. Is there hope for me? Can I really be saved after all?
"Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord" (Romans 12:17-19).
I find it amazing how many people think that God is like human beings. "Seek the LORD while He may be found, call upon Him while He is near. Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the LORD, and He will have mercy on him; and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon. "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," says the LORD. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts"" (Isaiah 55:6-9). People hold grudges, not God. People have limits to what they will forgive, not God. God is trying to get people to leave their sins. He does not desire to condemn people in their sins. ""Therefore I will judge you, O house of Israel, every one according to his ways," says the Lord GOD. "Repent, and turn from all your transgressions, so that iniquity will not be your ruin. Cast away from you all the transgressions which you have committed, and get yourselves a new heart and a new spirit. For why should you die, O house of Israel? For I have no pleasure in the death of one who dies," says the Lord GOD. "Therefore turn and live!"" (Ezekiel 18:30-32).
I noticed that in your straying you sought to have power over other people; thus, there was an element of pride to your sins. A trace of that pride still remains. You think you are different from everyone else -- that your sins are so much worse than other people that somehow God would refuse to forgive you. Not only do you not understand God's purpose, but you lack faith that God keeps His word. God offers forgiveness to everyone, and you are not excluded. "The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance" (II Peter 3:9). There have been many former practitioners of witchcraft in the church. "And many who had believed came confessing and telling their deeds. Also, many of those who had practiced magic brought their books together and burned them in the sight of all. And they counted up the value of them, and it totaled fifty thousand pieces of silver. So the word of the Lord grew mightily and prevailed" (Acts 19:18-20).
God doesn't look at who you were. He judges you by who you are. ""But if a wicked man turns from all his sins which he has committed, keeps all My statutes, and does what is lawful and right, he shall surely live; he shall not die. None of the transgressions which he has committed shall be remembered against him; because of the righteousness which he has done, he shall live. Do I have any pleasure at all that the wicked should die?" says the Lord GOD, "and not that he should turn from his ways and live?"" (Ezekiel 18:21-23).
"Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:13-14).