Question:

I have committed fornication with my boyfriend before and after baptism. Now I feel so much guilt and I don't know how to ask God for forgiveness. I have been asking God to guide me and help me with my situation. I've been asking Him to change me. I'm trying to seek the Holy Ghost as well. I've also been asking Him to forgive me of certain things, especially now that I have been going to church and I feel so different. I feel like I can't even talk to Him like I used to. I don't even know what to do. I have a good gift, but I'm getting so discouraged in many ways, pulling away from the church. I grew up going to church all my life. Can you please help me? What should I do?

My boyfriend asks me questions, like why can't we have sex before marriage. He claims his sex drive is so high. He says he will be always with me and it's not like he's going to leave me. How should I answer that since he's planning to be saved as well.


Answer:

"I tell you, no; but unless you repent you will all likewise perish" (Luke 13:3).

"Then Peter said to them, "Repent, and let every one of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins; and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit" (Acts 2:38).

You are treating baptism as a ritual instead of the final act of committing your life to Christ. You were in sin, but you never turned from your sin and you expected that somehow, magically, that baptism would stop you from sinning. Sadly, your boyfriend is doing the same thing. He isn't convinced that God means it when He said sex outside of marriage is wrong. "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4). He ought to be trembling at the thought of having to face God with sin on his hands. "It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God" (Hebrews 10:31).

Change is not done to you. Change is what you do in response to your conviction that God is telling you the truth. He has taught you what to do. It is your responsibility to learn and apply it to your life. "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and depart from evil. It will be health to your flesh, and strength to your bones" (Proverbs 3:5-8). So start again. Start by learning what you must do and then commit yourself to following the Lord. "So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God" (Romans 10:17).

Let's start by learning why God said fornication is a sin. I would like you to read the following. Look up each passage in your Bible and read each one for yourself. Invite your boyfriend to learn with you and then both of you will know the reasons:

In regards to your boyfriend's arguments for having sex: A claim that he has a strong sex drive just means he is a young male. To say this is a reason to commit fornication is merely a claim that he has no self-control and, thus, is not good husband material. If he is not going anywhere, then prove it. Marry you and then we all will know he is committed to staying with you.

What should Ido? I'm scared; Ireallyam. What am I going to do now? Will God ever forgive me?

What you do is start by getting serious about being a Christian. That means you give up your sins. "What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?" (Romans 6:1-2).

Second, you go to God in prayer and apologize for you misbehavior. "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us. My little children, these things I write to you, so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous" (I John 1:8-2:1).

God is not out to condemn the world. People have done a thorough job of condemning themselves. God is trying to rescue people, like you, from their sins. "Therefore you, O son of man, say to the house of Israel: 'Thus you say, "If our transgressions and our sins lie upon us, and we pine away in them, how can we then live?"' Say to them: 'As I live,' says the Lord GOD, 'I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live. Turn, turn from your evil ways! For why should you die, O house of Israel?'" (Ezekiel 33:10-11).

The only thing that stops people from being saved is their refusal to change. That is why Israel fell. "Therefore say to them, 'Thus says the LORD of hosts: "Return to Me," says the LORD of hosts, "and I will return to you," says the LORD of hosts. "Do not be like your fathers, to whom the former prophets preached, saying, 'Thus says the LORD of hosts: "Turn now from your evil ways and your evil deeds."' But they did not hear nor heed Me," says the LORD" (Zechariah 1:3-4). Instead of panicking, be different, change your ways.

Although I pray and ask forgivness, nothing as really changes for me. I still feel like dirt. I don't know. I'm trying. I will never put a man before God ever again. I also should have never did what I did. I feel so bad, to the point my daughter keeps asking for my boyfriend. They have bonded so well. I never bring my kid around anybody like that, expecially a male. They bonded so close. Now she constantly keeps asking for him. Really and truly, I'm deeply hurting. I regret everything. I wanted to not feel I was being used. it was my desicion to make love to him. I never fell deeply in love with someone. My mind is going to explode. I'm really hurting so bad.

You continue to hear only what you want to hear. You want your past mistakes erased, but that can't happen. The past can't be changed. You want your guilt to go away, but guilt is there to remind us not to repeat past mistakes. You want someone else to make you change, instead of choosing to be different. And that really is the key.

When the Israelites asked, "Men and brethren, what shall we do?" (Acts 2:36). Peter's response was "Repent, and let every one of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins; and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit" (Acts 2:38). They were commanded to change (to repent). They were not told that they would be changed.

All I see is a woman who feeling sorry for herself instead of getting up and doing something about it. "For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (II Corinthians 7:10-11).

So here is the question: You realized you did wrong. What are you going to do to start doing right? Sex outside of marriage is not an option, so are you going to marry the guy you are with or are you going to say that while you liked him in bed, you don't want him for a husband?