Question:

Hello,

I would like your advice on a matter that concerns me. I'm a young single woman who fell in love with a guy who was married. I'm not a Christian, but he is. He has children as well. When we first met he was married at the time, but his wife was abusive, and they would argue a lot. He thought he had made a mistake getting married since he married at a very young age. His wife was 16 when she got pregnant by him before they got married. He thought marrying her was the right thing to do, so he did it. However, his relationship with his wife wasn't an easy one, and he kept trying. The arguments still occurred and even when he met me, I told him to try to work it out with his wife. We became friends, but we ended up falling in love with each other. We started having sexual relations with each other. His wife found out about our relationship. She never paid much attention to him and kept nagging him and getting him angry. He was pressed to leave her, so he filed for divorce. He is divorced now but not because of his relations with me but because his wife ill-treated him. We are in love and have plans to get married soon because he has gotten his divorce. We would like to know if God will forgive us if we repent of our sins and try to go to church and make things right.

Thanks.


Answer:

God forgives, but not those who wish to remain in sin. Both you and he have been acting very foolishly.

This man claims to be a Christian, but he commits fornication. I don't know the cause of the arguments, but I'm positive that he was significantly contributing to the problem in his marriage. Then he seeks out another woman and begins committing adultery with her. Finally, he divorces his wife, claiming that it was only because of her abusive behavior. Does he mean to say that if it wasn't for his wife's arguing he would have been content being married and having a mistress on the side? Now that he is divorced, he wants to marry his mistress. This man doesn't live the Christian life.

Despite what you wish to think, you helped this man destroy his marriage, though it appears he was doing a good job of it by himself before you came along.

In general, God hates divorce. ""For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one's garment with violence," says the LORD of hosts. "Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously"" (Malachi 2:16). Divorce is the result of peoples sins and it causes in further sins. Marriage and the marriage covenant is a lifelong agreement. "And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matthew 19:4-6). Divorce shouldn't happen, but if it does, it is to be a period of time to work out problems and get back to together. "Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife" (I Corinthians 7:10-11).

Only in the case where one spouse is involved in sexual sins that leads to a divorce can the spouse not involved in sexual sins then remarry after the divorce. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 19:9).

In your case, you have been committing adultery with this man. Marrying him will not end the adultery; it will continue it. If you want to do the right thing, dump this man and find a man who is available for marriage and who treats women respectfully.