How do I handle what is quickly becoming an adulterous office affair?



I have a major problem which can turn out to be a potential extra marital affair I know is wrong, but I have nobody to turn to and I don't know what to do. I am not sure if this is the right web site for this. My apologies in advance if my content may offend anyone -- just delete my post.

I am a middle aged evangelical Christian. I work part time at a local Christian fellowship. I believed in the Lord since I was a young adult. I am married with children. I run a small business with office staff.

One of my office staff has fallen in love with me, and I have similar feelings for her. It started as friends, then close friends, and the usual one thing leads to another. Our relationship just started this week, we have not had a sexual relationship yet but we have had very close physical contact, which I know is wrong and a sin. The problem is that I do not know what to do, I can't sack her as she is good at her job, and it would be wrong for me to do so. I can't tell her that what we do is wrong and just stop the relationship as she may quit the job, or it may impact her job performance, which would impact my business.

So I am not sure how I should approach it in a practical sense. As a small team leader in my church I have provided counseling to other Christians in my group who were in my situation, but now when it is happening to myself. I am pretty much at a lost.


I would just love to be able to reach through the monitor to grab you by the shoulders and give you a good shake to wake you up to reality. You are living a deception that is going to destroy your life. Your priorities are all messed up. Look at you! A Christian man more concerned about the impact on your bottom line than the destruction you are causing to your children and your wife! This affair is not worth the price you are about to pay.

"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).

You are not just "at a lost" at the moment. You are lost. Just because you haven't yet bedded her, it doesn't mean you haven't already committed adultery with her many times in your mind (Matthew 5:28). Jesus and his followers rightly scolded the Jewish leaders for their double standard. Paul put it this way:

"Indeed you are called a Jew, and rest on the law, and make your boast in God, and know His will, and approve the things that are excellent, being instructed out of the law, and are confident that you yourself are a guide to the blind, a light to those who are in darkness, an instructor of the foolish, a teacher of babes, having the form of knowledge and truth in the law. You, therefore, who teach another, do you not teach yourself? You who preach that a man should not steal, do you steal? You who say, "Do not commit adultery," do you commit adultery? You who abhor idols, do you rob temples? You who make your boast in the law, do you dishonor God through breaking the law?" (Romans 2:17-23).

So how are you any different? You teach others, but you look for excuses for yourself. How is it that a Christian, a follower of Christ who took on the religious system of his day, say that he can't tell someone that adultery is a sin? Where is the loyalty to God? Where is the true love for another person's soul? This isn't about pulling your clothes off, this is about the destruction of numerous lives -- including your own.

"Can a man take fire to his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one walk on hot coals, and his feet not be seared? So is he who goes in to his neighbor's wife; whoever touches her shall not be innocent" (Proverbs 6:27-29).

Even in the secular world people understand that it is wrong for a boss to have an affair with an employee. It destroys the business because special consideration is given to the sex partner. When employees are no longer treated fairly and equally, the loyalty to the business collapses. "You have sex with a reporting staff member and then provide special treatment to your flame. How about you just have sex, period? No impact? Ha!" [Did You Bring Your Ethics to Work Today?]

There is only one way to handle this and that is to end it immediately. Tell her it is wrong and that you sinned by going this far. If she leaves, then you are going to find everyone in the office and even your wife breathing a sigh of relief. If she makes any moves to continue the romance, you have no choice but to dismiss her. Along with that, as long as she is still a co-worker, there will not be any time alone with her. If there is need to work late and everyone else is going, then one of you two will be working from home. And there will no longer be any business trips together.

Along with that, you need to straighten out your relationship with God. You've caused too much damage already in people's lives, so start by getting right with God. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (I John 1:9).