I am a man with more sins then Saul himself. I have stolen, lied, committed adultery, told my girlfriend to get an abortion with my first born son, helped kill in the war in Iraq, manipulated, and probably every other thing in the book. I am addicted to lust of the flesh and I don't know how to give up sin. I have asked God for help, but I know that I can't do anything on my own because every time I take the wheel, I drive my life further into the hell of this earth. How do I give up sin? How do I break away from my addictions? How do I develop self-control? I feel that even God looks away from me, even though I have been told once my name is written in the book of life I will not be removed. I was baptized and saved in fifth grade, but after going through sexual abuse; physical abuse; never having a stable home; watching my mom sleep around and date convicts, drug addicts, and alcoholics; seeing my dad go through cancer; carrying dead bodies in Iraq; putting pieces of my best friends in plastic bags; aborting my son; having sex with another girl who also had an abortion; having a one night stand with a girl who has a daughter that I am establishing paternity with after two years; and not being able to walk away from my sin, I am lost. I need the Lord; I need to follow him, but I have nothing left in me and every time I get up I fall. What do I do?
I can't escape the clutches of the devil. He prowls the earth like a lion and he is devouring me.
It is one thing to grieve over your past, but something else to become determined to change yourself. "For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (II Corinthians 7:10-11). God does promise that nothing you face isn't within your ability to overcome. "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it" (I Corinthians 10:13). I take it that you are one tough man to make it this far, but you need to get back on track.
I would like to talk to you about these things, if you would be willing to give me a call. I might be blunt, but I'm a kind person who is willing to listen.