I am in a situation that needs your help. There is this sister in my church. I have proposed to her and we plan to get married after her graduation from the university. We both love each other. We have never had intercourse, but sometimes we get involved in real body contact. I feel ashamed of myself. I will not permit intercourse, but this touching and some times kisses is disturbing me. I really need your advice on this.


"Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman" (I Corinthians 7:1).

When you realize that something is wrong, the thing to do is not continue it. You can back off. When the heroine in the Song of Solomon realized that her thoughts and daydreams were getting too sexual, she would stop. "I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the does of the field, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases" (Song of Solomon 2:7).

You are focused on not having intercourse, so as long as you keep some clothes on, you tell yourself that you are not doing wrong -- even though the temptation to go further is very strong. The problem is sin doesn't start with fornication. Lust and impurity are also sins. Lust is strong desire to do what you know is wrong (I Peter 4:3). In this case it is the playing out in your mind committing fornication with your fiance, imagining what it would be like, wanting to do it, even though you don't dare to do it. Impurity, or uncleanness, is acting dishonorably, chasing after sexual thrills. Paul gives examples of sexual talk and sexual jokes. "But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God" (Ephesians 5:3-5).

There is plenty of time to get passionate after you two are married. But right now is not the time to be stirring up passion when it is wrong for you to follow through on what your body desires. "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God" (I Thessalonians 4:3-5). And if, as Paul points out that it is too hard to wait, then get married. "But if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:9). Sure an early marriage will not be convenient and might raise issues to be solved, but those problems are minor compared to sinning against God and your future spouse.

Thanks for the help. I would like to continue getting advice from you.

I'm happy to help. All you need to do is write.