Question:

Am I right to stand for my marriage to be restored?

My husband and I were 18 and 19 when we married. The first five years were hard on him, since I had childhood issues and used them to push him/test his love. But he always told me he loved me and hung in. I started to realize that I was treating him wrong and I changed my behavior. From then on I tried to show him every day how much I loved him and how important he was to me. Everything seemed to be going well and I thought we would be alright, but then ten years into our marriage my husband told me he didn't love me anymore, didn't want to be with me. I was very hurt and I begged him to give us another chance. He did, but even though he didn't leave, nothing seemed to change his mind that he didn't love me. We struggled for the next few years and just after our 15th anniversary it got so bad that I moved out with our children. I was hoping to give him time alone, to think and realize that we belonged together. (I realize now this was a HUGE mistake). A few months after I left, an old high school "friend" of his went to see him and he said that they realized they could be more than friends. (She had just recently divorced her husband- whom she shares three children with). They started dating and my husband filed for divorce. I told him I loved him and wanted to stay married but he insisted on divorce, which was finalized on June 24th. Then he came to me and told me that he realized that he did still love me, but that he loved this woman as well, and they were talking about getting married. I was hopeful he would call it off and reconcile with me. But this other woman planned a quick marriage and he chose to go through with it. Partly because he wanted a "fresh start" and partly because he didn't want to hurt anyone else like he'd already hurt me. Yet he still tells me that he loves me and is sorry, but he loves her too.

It is my belief that their marriage is not valid in God's eyes, and that as long as I am standing for the restoration of my marriage that God is going to answer my prayer. Maybe I am naive? I have poured over my Bible, reading everything I can get my hands on concerning marriage divorce and remarriage, God's will, God's promises, prayers and my obedience, and I'm sure I'm doing the right thing, but I would greatly appreciate your advice and opinion. Thank you in advance for taking time out to answer me.


Answer:

Your former husband broke God's law by divorcing you. You had not committed adultery. You were wrong for moving out, but the proper response should have been to attempt to resolve the problem. His current marriage is adulterous. "So He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her"" (Mark 10:11).

Nothing in God's law requires that you marry again. If you would rather remain unmarried in the faint hope that one day your husband will repent of his sin, then by all means do so.