I am a Christian in my early twenties who has been rasied in the faith since I was born. I have generally considered myself to be a good Christian; although, I will admit I have made many mistakes. I am getting bit personal, but since I was a teenager I suffered from an addiction to Internet pornography. I don't blame anyone but myself for that mistake, but I recently confessed my addiction to my pastor and a trusted family member. I have since stopped that behavior, praying everyday to God to keep me on the "Straight and Narrow;" although, I still feel the temptations from time to time.
However, I suffer from another internal problem. About a month ago I had a really bad thought concerning the devil. I initially tried to shake off the thought and move on, but I felt so horrible about thinking that thought that for close to a week I thought I'd lost my soul. To make things worse I started to have horrible and blasphemous thoughts about Jesus. I kept praying for forgiveness and to be mentally healed, but the guilt was driving me mad, and I began to fear I was suffering from "demonic oppression" which made things worse.
However after talking about it with family, friends, and my pastor I feel I am on the long road to spiritual recovery. Working even harder to become a better Christian and trying to keep my faith strong and in Him.
However my fear of the devil still lingers and I still have short bouts of dark thoughts. Recently I was offered a job and was very excited about it. However, I had been struggling with bad thoughts most of the day, and when I was told about the job I had the thought "Thank you Satan" I immediately froze up and got really scared. I tried to shake off the thought, but it has been scaring me ever since. I know I didn't really mean it, and I have asked for God's forgiveness, but the fear is still with me, and now I'm not even sure if I should take the job because I fear it has somehow become "tainted" and doing the job would be an affront to God. I just want to be a good Christian and do what's right by God.
I guess my overall question would be if you think I should take the job? In case your wondering it is doing graphic designs and I made it clear I would not do anything satanic. I am also curious to hear your thoughts about the "bad thoughts" as well as demonic oppression. I appreciate you taking the time to read this. I apologize for the long story I just wanted to give you an accurate history about myself (flaws and all). Thanks again.
It is not uncommon for young people, especially young men in the developing years, to become compulsive. You've battle one compulsion: pornography, but now another one is rearing its ugly head.
If I told you not to think of a pink penguin, then the first image in your mind is a pink penguin. The reason is that in order not to think of something, you first have to think about what you want to avoid. Satan uses that with God's law. "