Because of my husband's adultery, I committed adultery and then divorced him. Is my second marriage legitimate?


I am desperate for your help.  I am struggling in a marriage. I am a Christian and my husband is not, but first, let me give you background information. 

I lost my virginity when I was 17 after I became engaged to my future husband.  We were married almost a decade.  He cheated on me several times; the last time the girl became pregnant.  We had children together, and I was scared to be alone, so we went back and forth for a while about staying together.  I was ready to forgive, but he kept seeing the other woman.  During the back and forth period, I dated and had sex with three different people.  This was before the divorce was filed for or granted. I eventually moved in with my mother and started dating someone, and we eventually moved in together.  My divorce was finalized, and I eventually married the second man. My first husband continued to date the other woman for many years, fathering another child and cheating on her all the while.

I have an issue with all of my behavior, and I have prayed for forgiveness for all of this.  I have lately been questioning the validity of my second marriage.

All that is just background to my questions.  Feel free to comment because I am curious about all of that too.

My current husband has repeatedly been caught "sexting" with other women.  He sends dirty pictures of himself and they reciprocate.  I have asked him to stop, and he refuses.  He also has conversations with these women and sees them in his job.  I do not know if he has physically cheated on me or not.  I love him, and assuming I am scripturally within my rights, I would like to remain married, so I told him he could stay.  But he hasn't stopped.  In reading on your site, I see that the texts are not grounds for divorce, but I am afraid that if I make him separate from me, he will sleep with someone else, if he hasn't already.  I am physically sickened by what is happening.  I don't want to stay here and allow him to continue his behavior because it hurts as bad as cheating.  He is thinking of other women, silencing his phone, and generally behaving sneakily.  I don't know what to do, or what my rights and obligations are.  Please help me.

Am I able to ever be married?

Do I have options regarding my current situation?

I would love it if my second marriage was scripturally sound, and I could get him in church with me, and he would stop, and we could fix this, but I am concerned that isn't the case.


Regarding your first marriage, you did have a right to divorce your husband because of his adultery. Your own adultery complicates the issue. It appears to me that in reality the divorce occurred because you found another man. You remained in your marriage while you both were committing adultery. It was only after you decided to marry another man that you actually filed for a divorce from your first marriage. However I look at this, it appears that your divorce was because of your adultery and not his. His adultery was simply the excuse you gave yourself for your own adultery. Given that conclusion, I cannot say you had the right to marry again.

I wish I could give you happier advice, but it appears to me that the best route is to end this second marriage and plan on a single life.