Question:

Hi, I just want to thank you for answering some of the questions and confusions I have been dealing with.

I am a real Bible-believing Christian woman who just divorced my husband of 20 years over his prolonged, continuous, unrepentant adultery. I prayed over him andreasoned with him for over a year before taking this final step.I finally came to realize that he wasn't the good Christian man I had believed him to be. He had taught in the church Bible study for years (during which time he was conducting his affair). He seemed to have such a desire for God, but when he was presented with the choice of God or his sinful ways -- he chose the path of sin and destruction. He completely admits he is wrong to pursue his affair, but makes excuses: "God will forgive me," " I just don't love you anymore," "our relationship has just run its course," and of course the big lie:"God has provided this woman for me for my happiness, after all, He wants all His children to be happy!"

Anyway, I was willing to forgive whole-heartedly if he would only repent, and he refused. So, I finally filed for divorce, and he moved in with his "new fiance." The church I attend was very supportive and fully acknowledged my right to divorce, but many members and my Christian friends began immediately urging me to "forgive him" and develop a good relationship with him for my children's sake (I have teenagers). I don't believe that it is scriptural to "forgive" one who is unrepentant and continuing in sin. I mean, I don't malign him in any personal manner, but I refuse to excuse his sin or imply to my children that it doesn't matter. I am dealing with God in my own spirit because of my anger and disillusionment, but I am praying daily to "be anger and sin not," until I can finally turn over all my anger to God, where it belongs.

I was going to write to your site to ask about why my Christian friends were so soft on sin and about whether I was wrong to believe forgiveness and repentance went together, but I found articles and questions that answered my own questions very well. So thank you for your good scriptual answers.


Answer:

I'm glad the web site has been useful to you.

While you cannot offer your ex-husband forgiveness because he will not repent, you don't let him dictate your attitudes. Yes, he was wrong and remains in the wrong. Be sorry that he is giving up eternal life for such temporary pleasures. Be of the state of mind that if he ever does come to his senses, you'll be the first in line to tell him that you won't hold it against him. You can't agree with his sin or support him in his sin. You can't whitewash over the sins. But it doesn't have to interfere with you life and your outlook.

"For everyone will be seasoned with fire, and every sacrifice will be seasoned with salt. Salt is good, but if the salt loses its flavor, how will you season it? Have salt in yourselves, and have peace with one another" (Mark 9:49-50).