Question:

I met a girl over the Internet about a month ago. We immediately "clicked." We are both Christian and believe in the same things, such as no sex before marriage and much more. We have the same interests. I pray every night that the Lord sends me the strength and opportunity to do the right things and to help me be together with this girl. Whenever I even talk to her I get a feeling that Iíve never had, a feeling of love, and although she doesnít know it yet, I really want to be with her forever. I have never felt this strongly about someone before, and I truly believe that this girl is a miracle in my life.

I thank the Lord every night for the day of life he has given me and for the fortune that He has sent. I requested forgiveness for my sins and attempt to stop sinning as much as possible.

We have had the odd little fight, but we have never stopped talking to each other completely. I havenít yet met her, but I am going to go and meet her next week. I am extremely nervous because I donít know what to do. I want to be with her, and I want to tell her my feelings, but I donít want to "freak her out" or jump in too fast with things.

Next week we are going to make a video and take some pictures while in town, as we are both interested in video making and photography. I am thinking of asking her if she wants to go out for dinner and taking things from there, but I am really nervous, and I donít want to make a mess of things. If the Lord has sent this girl, will He help me do the right thing when we meet?


Answer:

I'm glad you found someone you are interested in, but I need to give you a reality check. Please don't take this as being against your relationship.

The truth is that you hardly know this girl. Nor she you. What you are in love with is what you imagine the things you don't know about her must be like. Now, you might be right, but until you actually meet her and know her for a while, you cannot know for certain. At the moment you are infatuated with her and if you are in love with anything, it is a love of your own dreams.

I hope this works out well for you two, but I don't want you to be blind to the truth. Right at the moment you aren't looking at things accurately. It isn't necessarily a bad thing unless it keeps you from being honest about the situation.

Meeting her in person and taking her to dinner is a good next step. Certainly it is fine to admit that she has captured your attention, but this is far too soon to be talking about marriage. In relationships, you need to let things take its course. "I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the does of the field, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases" (Song of Solomon 2:7). Don't make decisions based on fear that you might lose her. At the moment, you are trying to figure out if she is really what you thought.

The advantage of the Internet is that you can run into people you would never meet in your normal travels. But the disadvantage is that it is too easy to pretend to be someone you are not. And it is really easy to leave out things, out of fear of scaring someone off, that is necessary to know for a long-term relationship.

So as you visit, plan on spending as much time as you can being with her. Go to church services together. Meet her friends and family. Talk to the preacher where she attends about her as a potential wife. And then make plans for her to come visit you and meet your family and friends.

One absolute rule: In these visits, you will have arrangements to spend the night elsewhere. You are not to be alone with her in her home or she in your home. It isn't that I don't think you intend to behave; I want you two to give yourselves no opportunity to misbehave. If you expect God to force you two to behave, you are approaching matters completely wrong. Put God first and make every effort to live righteously, but don't try to make God responsible for your behavior.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and depart from evil. It will be health to your flesh, and strength to your bones" (Proverbs 3:5-8).