Question:

Please help me:

I have been looking for help on the Internet. I read the answer you gave to a woman who has a lover and wants to leave her husband. You give her a five step path to follow. I find my self in the same situation, but I want to add to her question to see if you can also guide me to find the answers I need from the lord. I too have a lover and we are deeply in love. I have a husband and three little children.

I never thought I could lose my family, but my husband cheated on me three years ago with a girl whom I mentored and loved. He actually left me for a few months declaring he didn't love me anymore and insulting and humiliating me. When I took him back I did not know who the lover had been or how deep the betrayal had gone. They both hurt me, humiliated me in front of everyone we knew, made it very public, mocked me and insulted me in their e-mails. It was a horrible ordeal because I also found out there had been others. Still, I took him back for the sake of my children, and when I found out who the lover was, we started therapy. I have been doing my best to recover from all that pain. He says he is repented.

I wanted to save my family. Suddenly this man appears in my life. He is single, he is my co-worker. We have tried to stay away from each other. We even prayed together once, and I still love him. He has broken up with me and tried to stay away from me and I don't call him, but somehow we end up thrown in situations together. I have asked God with all my heart to take me away from him, to help me find another job. I have applied in several places, but nothing has happened. Yesterday I asked God for the first time to let me be with him. Am I that wrong? I was a good faithful and devoted wife for 15 years, to no avail. Of course my husband has been begging for my forgiveness and says he loves me. I don't want to hurt him either. I don't want to destroy my children's family, but I feel my husband destroyed me first. This is no revenge. I do not want to make him suffer or go through what I went through. Can't I get a message from the Lord?


Answer:

"For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (Matthew 6:14-15).

I very much doubt you love this man. I'm sure you are infatuated with him, but you know little about him. Most of what is attracting you to him is how you imagine life would be with him and your repulsion from the life you currently have.

I don't know why people think adultery becomes more acceptable if the person is declared to be a Christian. To me it is more repulsive because what true follower of God would ruin lives by committing adultery? "Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God" (James 4:4). You didn't show me a good man, you told me you are in love with a hypocrite.

Then there is the fact that you are wanting God to approve the destruction of your marriage. "For the LORD God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one's garment with violence," Says the LORD of hosts. "Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously" (Malachi 2:16). As James points out, "You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures" (James 4:3).

None of this justifies what your husband did. He gravely sinned. He didn't humiliate you, he humiliated himself, just as you are humiliating yourself with this other man. He says he repented, that should be accepted unless you have reason to believe he is lying to you.

So dump the co-worker. He would never make a good father anyway since he is quite willing to commit adultery while pretending to be religious. Really forgive your husband and sincerely work at putting your marriage back together. If you leave this marriage, it is because you want another man, not because your husband committed adultery, and that isn't right.