Question:

I've been dating for a year, and now I'm engaged, but it still will take two years for us to marry. My fiance and I have strong sexual temptations, it seems like I have a lot more control than him. Sometimes it scares me because he seem to want sex too much. He's not the kind of person who'd say, "You do it if you love me." Not at all. He wishes he was like me. It's harder for him than to me. Sometimes he seem to want sex so much that I doubt if he's really a Christian because he just gives into sin easily.I mean especially fornication, the other sins seem easier for him, but he really struggle with sex.

We have a long distance relationship. We live almost half a world apart, which helps a lot. But the times we've seen each other, we committed fornication. I don't think I was a genuine Christian at the time.

Things changed a lot for me. I love God now, which I didn't at the time. I see sin differently than I did before. But I can't see changes in him. He seem to be stuck at the same point.

I pray to God asking Him to help my fiance to have more control over his sexual desire. I've seen a little improvement some days ago, but still ...

I know that I've done things that I shouldn't have done, but I fight my sin, and it seems like he's just weak in it. Do you think he isn't a real Christian? If so, I can't marry him. I really need your help in this. I'm worried about it.


Answer:

I have no idea if your fiance is a "real" Christian or not. I've never met him or talked to him.

I'm glad you are finally growing up and have a more mature attitude toward sex. I'm sorry your fiance exhibits little self-control, though I don't know what you are seeing that tells you he isn't controlling his sexual desire. You said you used to commit fornication, and I'm assuming that now that you are more dedicated to Christ that has stopped. Yet you hint that you are being pressured for sex indirectly. You also stated that you know your fiance is involved in sins.

I want you to stop a moment and think. People don't often change unless they really want to do so. At the moment your fiance has strong reasons to impress you so that you will be willing to marry him. But after marriage, those reasons will no longer be there. Marriage won't be a reason for him to change. So, assuming nothing changes, is this the kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with? Would you be able to trust that he would be faithful to you? Would you be comfortable that he won't drag you into the sins he gives into? I'm asking you if you would be truly happy with him as he is if he remained the same or got slightly worse after marriage.

All people sin. The question isn't whether a person sins, but the person's attitude toward sin. Some, like King Saul, find excuses as to why they gave into sin. Others, like King David, admit the fact of their sin, but then actively work to avoid repeating the same mistake. "Little children, make sure no one deceives you; the one who practices righteousness is righteous, just as He is righteous; the one who practices sin is of the devil; for the devil has sinned from the beginning. The Son of God appeared for this purpose, to destroy the works of the devil. No one who is born of God practices sin, because His seed abides in him; and he cannot sin, because he is born of God. By this the children of God and the children of the devil are obvious: anyone who does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor the one who does not love his brother" (I John 3:7-10). John is not saying that righteous people do not sin. Such a statement would contradict Romans 3:23. What he is saying is clearer in the Greek than in English. A righteous person doesn't stay in sin. He might slip once in a while, but he picks himself up and improves himself so that he doesn't remain in sin. A wicked person stays in sin. He might do a righteous thing once in a while, but he doesn't remain there, he slides right back into his habit of sin. "What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?" (Romans 6:1-2).

What you should be considering is how your fiance responds to the fact that he sins. The little hints you have given me make me wonder. You two have committed fornication in the past. You want it to stop, but I'm guessing that he continues to hint that he wants it to continue and perhaps makes it more likely to happen again.

I can't answer your question. But you have to decide if he never changes, would you want to be married to this man?