Question:

Well, my boyfriend is fixing to file for a divorce and I have no idea what to do. I feel like I should break up with him because we committed adultery. I feel terrible about it. I feel like the Lord is telling me that he isn't the "ONE." But I don't know anymore what to do. I was just wondering what the Bible says about dating someone and committing adultery with a married man who hasn't even filed for a divorce yet. Help me! I don't know what to do at all. I cried and my heart aches for an answer.

Answer:

"Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4).

I'm puzzled why it took the event of him filing for a divorce to get you to start questioning your relationship. You make it sound as if that if this had not happened you would have been content being this guy's mistress. I'm left wondering if it isn't the sin of adultery that has you down but the dread that he might ask you to be his next wife.

What you should do is what you should have done from the beginning -- tell the cad to take a hike and not come back. You dread marrying him for good reason; he doesn't honor wedding vows so there is no reason to assume that he'll remain faithful to you.

You committed adultery. You contributed to the destruction of a marriage. If there are children involved, you helped to destroy what little family life that they had. And all because you liked his body.

It is long past time that you straighten out your life and start living righteously. The righteous don't leave a trail of destruction behind them like you have been doing. People are better for having godly people in their lives.

"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God" (I Corinthians 6:9-11).

Start your new life by learning how to be a real Christian. Let me suggest starting by reading the following:

But it's nothing like that though. I never destroyed their marriage or their family! His wife was the one that cheated on him and she's already moved in with the guy. They're already talking about marriage.

I was just wondering why do I feel like his not the one. I know that I committed adultery, just as his wife did with her boyfriend and he did with me. Why would I dread being his next wife? I'm just wondering because I'm not understanding you quite clearly. I thought he might be the "one," but I don't think I am the right one for him or that his kids are the right ones for me. I feel like he needs to just focus on his divorce, his job, and most importantly his kids. I don't think that I can take all this stuff that he has, like the kids, trying to get a divorce, and dealing with "baby mama drama." He doesn't believe in God and he is not pure. I'm looking for a guy who is a Christian, who is big into the church, who is pure all the way around, well educated, and who has never had a family of his own or had a divorced. Help me!

My dear woman, if you want a dedicated Christian man, they are only interested in dedicated Christian women. A woman who sleeps with a married man doesn't fit the bill. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).

Though you were happy to have sex with this man -- knowing that he was married, planning a divorce, and had children -- now that it looks like it is possible for him to marry you, you declare that you don't want to deal with the issues in his life or his children. It is clear you are only into yourself and your own pleasure.

Your goal is right, but you are not doing anything for yourself to reach that goal. Straighten out your life first by actually being a Christian in deed and not in name only. "My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth. And by this we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before Him" (I John 1:18-19). Only by being consistent are you going to get what you are looking for.

The thing about it is that I'm not just thinking about myself, I'm thinking about him and his kids' future, and mine as well. So how is that just thinking of myself? And I did not have sex with him! I am still a virgin, dude. Why aren't you just say that God loves me, that I need to go ask for forgiveness, and God will forgive?

The reason I mentioned sex is because in your first note you asked about "committing adultery with a married man who hasn't even filed for a divorce yet" and in your second note you said, "I know that I committed adultery." So now we add lying to the other sins you are committing.

You aren't interested in the kids because you stated you don't want to deal with them. You aren't interested fully in the man because you said you didn't want to deal with his issues.

Before you and I could begin to talk about forgiveness, you would have to see your sins. So far you have shown no interest in living by God's teachings. Without a change in life, there is no forgiveness. "Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord" (Acts 3:19).

Since you haven't been honest in your questions, I can't give accurate replies. Therefore, this discussion comes to an end.