Question:

I am sorry to say that I, personally, disagree with many of your teachings. I am not here to argue with you; I just feel that some of the things you are saying to children seem terrifying. Mostly I refer to your words about sexual relations. I am not a particularly religious person and that may be why I am not terrified of going to hell, but in my opinion sex is something between people who love each other, and I don't think a man who has studied the Bible can tell you if you love someone or not. I don't think that marriage is a thing that says "All right folks you are officially in love and ready to go." Not that I myself don't love the idea of a big white wedding. In my mind it's romantic and that's it. I would even have a Jewish or Hindu wedding. They are just beautiful signs that you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. I don't mean to make it sound like you're wrong; it's just my opinion.

Another thing in my mind is that you can fall in love with every detail of a person, but people change every day through experiences, and sometimes physically, and then you might not be in love with what that person is now and then where are you? Most likely unhappy and with someone you don't like. Doesn't God want you to be happy? If He does, and I'm sure you'll agree He does, then why shouldn't you get a divorce from this person? I do know that there are people who can grow and change along side each other and remain happy because my parents have shown me just that, so I'm not condemning love in anyway.

I also think it is very rude to call teenage girls harlots and prostitutes, though they may seem that way to you, they are still somebody's daughter and a daughter is a princess no matter what! They might not appreciate the insult is all I'm saying.

I'm sure you have friends who have had premarital sex though they probably won't share it with you, like you'd really need or want to know anyway -- neither would I, trust me. I have had sex as well, and I am only 17. Waiting until marriage should be a choice, and I respect people who do keep that choice. I support them, but sex really is just a natural thing. It's instinctive for all animals, people included. For example, cats have sex and just because it's called mating it doesn't mean it isn't the same thing, but I have rarely heard of an animal getting married, though it does happen, like in 101 Dalmatians :), and it is always very cute.

Another thing I disagree with is the marital rape thing, maybe we just have different standards of rape, but to me a woman should always have a choice and so should a man. It's a human rights thing. Just because you're married it doesn't mean your husband should be allowed to have his way with you whenever he wants without your permission. Rape is always traumatic and victims of such assault should be given permission to take this crime to court and have the person who hurt them punished. Rape is also not good for women and can cause horrible trauma to the vagina that could lead to infections because rape does not include foreplay which prepares a woman for sex. In my opinion if a man does not have enough respect for his wife to give her a choice, then he does not really love her, and, therefore, they should not be married. Sex should make both participants happy not just the one rapist.

I would just like to mention that I don't recall, though I could be wrong, you ever using the term vagina in your answers to boys. You called it, as far as I know "a place they don't belong" which is wrong because that's exactly what a boy is supposed to do with his penis.

I personally think that some of your answers are a little harsh and uncalled for because some of these kids aren't asking for your speech about God. They are only coming to talk to you about their problems, man to man, not boy to preacher. For example, if a boy came to you asking about what he should do about sexually transmitted diseases the first thing you should say is "Go to a doctor!" not ask for God's forgiveness. God gave us doctors for a reason. He might not want to listen to every boy's wish to get rid of herpes.

These are just my opinions, sir, the opinions of a 17 year old girl who has had sex (please don't call me a harlot). Maybe my opinions don't matter to you, but I just wanted to reply so you could hear a non-religious teenage girl's point of view on the matter. You don't have to respond or even post this, I just wanted you to know and maybe you'll agree in some way.


Answer:

How terribly sad to hear from a young woman who has no respect for God, religion, older people, or mankind. You think that because you want something, it is yours simply because you want it. If it wasn't so sad it would be funny that a 17 year old girl who knows nothing about love or religion and barely anything about sex, thinks she can lecture a 50+ year old preacher, married nearly 30 years by the way, about those very topics.

No, I won't call you a harlot. Prostitutes offer their bodies in order to gain money or favors. I have no idea why you wanted to give away your body. You strike me as someone who sins simply because she can, but that is all I know about the matter. A few times I have told girls they are acting like harlots, but not for money. Most of the time they are trying to secure a boy's love or commitment in exchange for sex. What they don't see is that they've gained neither and that the boy will leave the relationship in the future thinking he "bought" sex by being nice to a girl for a while. These girls aren't treating themselves with respect, which is sad because they should.

The very existence of my questions and answers is proof that your contention is wrong that people don't want to hear about sex from a religious point of view. People wrote of their own free will, after seeing the answers I gave to others, just as you did. I suspect many write because they know I will give them a clear, straightforward answer. Most know, as you do, that what they are doing is wrong but they want someone they can trust to tell them why. They want to be healed wholly -- not just physically, but spiritually as well. There are tons of places on the Internet where people can get physical answers about sex; I offer one of the few places that gives spiritual advice along with the physical. That you're envious of that trust doesn't change the facts. I know that it appealed to you, despite your denials, because no one made you read the site. Every page states at the top that this is from a church, yet you read a large number of the pages anyway by your own admission. From my point of view, the site does exactly what it was designed to do: teach people who rarely think about religion that there is another another way to look at matters which makes a whole lot more sense than the humanistic approach that you've bought into.

One of these days you'll end up with children. They will beg you for candy and you will tell them "No" because they've had too much already. So why will you be such a mean, awful parent? Doesn't a parent want his or her child to be happy? Many times short-term denial is necessary for long-term happiness. For this same reason, God does teach you how to find true happiness. "And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God require of you, but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all His ways and to love Him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to keep the commandments of the LORD and His statutes which I command you today for your good?" (Deuteronomy 10:12-13). The sad thing is that you, in your vast experience, think God is wrong. But that is because you are focused on the present. You don't see what is needed to build a happy future.

Instead of seeing sex as a precious gift given freely between a husband and wife, you have degraded yourself to thinking you are nothing more than an animal. Thus, it isn't surprising that you choose to act as an animal. It is your choice, but clearly you don't like others making different choices and telling people why one choice is superior to the other. You have no reservation about announcing your beliefs, even though they are only the whims of a 17 year old girl. So why do you condemn others for reasonably arguing their beliefs? Beliefs are not right or wrong based on whether they match what you choose to accept. You aren't a standard for the world. I express a standard that is above you or me. I teach the standards of God to my fellow men. "If anyone speaks, let him speak as the oracles of God. If anyone ministers, let him do it as with the ability which God supplies, that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belong the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen" (I Peter 4:11). It makes no difference to me that a foolish young girl wants to pout that the choices she makes are called sins by God. They are sins because they cause long-term harm to people.

Not surprisingly, you are wrong about my not using the word "vagina" when talking to boys about sex. A quick search of the word "vagina" on the web site shows it to be false. When I tell a boy that he is putting his penis where it doesn't belong, I do so for two reasons:

  1. It emphasizes the fact that because he has a penis, he doesn't have a right to use it as he pleases. I would think that a girl who understands that rape is wrong would be able to see the connection. I would hope that if you decide to marry a man that you won't be expecting him to bed whomever he felt like bedding just because a penis is made to go into vaginas -- yet, this is what you inadvertently argued.
  2. The phrase acknowledges that boys use their penis for other acts of sex than just vaginal intercourse. Vaginal sex outside of marriage isn't the only form of fornication. I use a broader phrase to make a broader point.

In regards to rape, you prove that you don't read very careful. I don't disagree with your statements for the most part. What I've pointed out is that "rape" is not the same as "sexual abuse." Both are equally wrong, but feminists have pushed for a redefinition of "rape" with the intent of undermining the meaning of marriage. "Rape" has a higher shock value and so it is applied against husbands who have sexually abused their wives. The result over time is that the stigma of "rape" is going to be watered down -- not what people intend, but it is the way people behave.

You stoop to the same tactics when you started you letter by calling the teachings of religion "terrifying." Ah, the wonders of modern education which sees opposing viewpoints as "evil."

"For we have spent enough of our past lifetime in doing the will of the Gentiles -- when we walked in lewdness, lusts, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties, and abominable idolatries. In regard to these, they think it strange that you do not run with them in the same flood of dissipation, speaking evil of you. They will give an account to Him who is ready to judge the living and the dead" (I Peter 4:3-5).

I'm very sorry if I made you angry. You see, as a teenage girl, I am very stubborn and opinionated, especially for a teenage girl from this time. Am I right? haha

In any case, I wanted to speak more with you and I hope not to offend you again. This is not about your web site. You see, I know that we are both very different people and have made different choices for different reasons. I do believe in a god, but he's obviously different than yours. I have read passages of the Bible, too, and I would love to talk about religion with you, if you don't mind as the religions of the world are fascinating to me. (This isn't sarcasm. I thought I'd explain myself, as sometimes words get lost without a voice.)

If you are right, it is only partly. You may be stubborn and opinionated, but you didn't make me angry. I quoted Peter to let you know that God said people will disparage things they don't understand or is different from what they think is right. That you've proven that statement to be true has no impact on my feelings about you. I've told you what they were: I find it a sad situation, but then I always find it sad when people are blinded by sin.

I'm blunt, not because of anger, but because I've learned that people generally respond better to plain and direct statements. You are correct that the written medium is often difficult to express yourself accurately, but I have found that a straightforward answer is more likely to seen as honest than attempts to soften the wording.

You are welcome to discuss religion with me; it is, after all, what I've dedicated my life to doing by choosing the career of preaching. I look forward to your future questions.