I am about to start having sex with my boyfriend of nine months. Will God still hear my prayers if I do that? I really am confused. I feel that I'm ready, but I'm afraid of destroying my relationship with God. Please help.


Here is the true test that you and your boyfriend are ready for sex: Are you willing wait until you get married first?

"Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4).

Sex within marriage is honorable and pure. Outside of marriage you will face the judgment of God. Sex belongs to those couples who are at the point in their relationship when they freely commit their entire lives to the other person. Sex then becomes the glue that strengthens the firm foundation to form a wonderful life. (See "Marriage's Glue.")

You ought to be afraid of harming your relationships because when you crawl into bed with your boyfriend you will be destroying your relationship with God, your relationship with your boyfriend, and your relationship with yourself.

"Now the body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. And God both raised up the Lord and will also raise us up by His power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? Certainly not! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For "the two," He says, "shall become one flesh." But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him. Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's" (I Corinthians 6:13-20).

When you start having sex with your boyfriend, you will be choosing to sin. God doesn't have dealings with sinners. "Behold, the LORD'S hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; nor His ear heavy, that it cannot hear. But your iniquities have separated you from your God; and your sins have hidden His face from you, so that He will not hear" (Isaiah 59:1-2).

You harm yourself because you know you've turned away from God simply for temporary pleasure. You won't be able to look at yourself as pure anymore. "Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart" (II Timothy 2:22).

You also harm your relationship with your boyfriend. More often than not, sex without a marriage covenant is an early step toward breaking up.

Think of it this way: How do you know he loves you? I know he says all sorts of sweet things to you and you get wonderful feelings when he is around, but how do you really know he loves you. God says the proof is in the action. "You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit" (Matthew 7:16-17). That is why God said that sex is for after marriage. A man who is willing to commit the remainder of his life to you is worth having in your bed. A man who wants to drop his pants without a commitment isn't going to stay around; he is interested in his own sexual gratification, not you.

If he is pressuring you for sex and not marriage, that tells you and I a lot about his nature. Love "does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil" (I Corinthians 13:5). But sex outside of marriage is fornication -- an evil (I Corinthians 6:9-10). Sex without a commitment is solely a person seeking their own. His putting his penis in you without wanting to be married first is just down right rude -- he doesn't respect you or your body.

Put his love to the test. Tell him that you'll have sex with him after he says, "I do" in a marriage ceremony, but not before then. See if he accepts the terms or walks out on you. Then you'll know if he really loves you. Meanwhile, you will retain your relationship with God and you'll respect yourself in the morning.

Thank you so much for the advice. I will try to do that. Does fasting help to drive out the thoughts of pre-marital sex?

No, it does not.

"Therefore, if you died with Christ from the basic principles of the world, why, as though living in the world, do you subject yourselves to regulations-- "Do not touch, do not taste, do not handle," which all concern things which perish with the using--according to the commandments and doctrines of men? These things indeed have an appearance of wisdom in self-imposed religion, false humility, and neglect of the body, but are of no value against the indulgence of the flesh" (Colossians 2:20-23).

People often think that self-inflicted pain will somehow make them more spiritual. God says it doesn't work and the reason is simple: it isn't connected to the problem. Stop and think a moment. How will not eating make you less sexually aroused? Perhaps if you nearly starved yourself to death you might not have the energy to have sex, but it won't address the underlying problem. Once you start eating again, it will still be there.

There is one cure for sexual desire: "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ... but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:1-5, 9).