Question:

Should I stay married and does my wife need to tell the truth? I have been married for over 15 years. I caught my wife cheating on me 10 years ago with her step-brother. She said all they did was kiss, but I knew it was not true. We reconciled to keep our family togeather. We had children since then.

I asked her about the relationship over several months. She lied, saying nothing was going on, so I put a voice recorder on our phone line and caught them talking dirty on the phone. She never told the truth and the adultery continued at different times. Over the years I have questioned her about her activities outside the home, showing up late, not being were she said she was, and leaving work during the day. She always told me I was crazy. About five years ago she started telling me she did not love me and wanted a divorce. I started finding her rings in the cup holder of her van while she was at work. She would not speak to me for months at a time -- six months was the longest. Early this year she openly left her rings out and said, "I don't love you and I want a divorce." I left the house this summer and started survalence on her. I found out it was happening again. (Had the man at my home in my bed with my children there.) She denies it and now says she loves me and wants to stay married. I started the divorce process and she is fighting all the way. I feel she is only trying to save her reputation, and financial loss. She always told me I needed to leave so she would not be the bad guy. A few days before I confronted her with my information, she told me she did not love me and wanted a divorce, get the papers, she would sign them. She is telling me and my children that she has done nothing wrong, and that I am the one who is tearing apart our family. Help me please!


Answer:

You ask for help, but you haven't stated what you are trying to do. You make it clear that your wife has continued to commit adultery. Because of that you have the right to divorce your wife and marry again if you so choose.

That she is pretending that you are the one at fault is not surprising. Adultery is a selfish sin. You did contribute to the problem by stating you had forgiven her but then spent years never letting yourself or her forget. But that doesn't excuse the sin on her part.

You might as well end this marriage since it is clear you are not going to be able to forgive her and she won't give up her sin.