I have committed a horrible sin. I am single and have never been married. I was baptized a long time ago. I recently passionately kissed a married woman. I knew she was married when this happened. Afterwards, when I snapped out of it, I felt horrible. I contacted her the next day, explained that what we did was absolutely wrong, and cut off all contact from her completely. I asked God for forgiveness and have tried my best to censor my lifestyle from TV, music, movies, etc. that would tempt me to fall into this trap again. I really haven't been the same since (very sad, unconfident in my future, unsure of God's promises for me).
My question is: because of my sin and actions, can I ever be rightfully married in the eyes of God sometime in the future? And, I now have this feeling that I'm walking around with a cloud over my head for being so weak and immature in my faith, and that, like David, I will absolutely have to pay for my actions either here on this earth, or after my passing. I'm always looking around the next corner for what my punishment will be. Am I correct in thinking this? Or is this a lie and trap from Satan since I have asked God for forgiveness?
Thank you in advance. I'm very unsure about everything at this point and pretty hopeless
It is interesting that you've appointed yourself to be defendant, judge, jury, and executioner in this matter. The real problem is that you have too high of expectations for yourself. You sinned and you find that simple fact appalling. "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (I John 1:8-9).
Every Christian sins. That is a plain fact. "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall" (I Corinthians 10:12). What makes a Christian different from the rest of the world is that he does not wallow in his sin. He finds sin repulsive, so he picks himself up, dusts the sin from his life, and then moves on following Christ. The sinner doesn't care that he is in sin and, therefore, finds no motivation to alter his life.
You say that you've asked God for forgiveness. Why? You continue to act as if you are not forgivable. Do you not understand what John meant when he said, God "is faithful and just?" Why do you think God forgives others, but not you? Why did you abandon your faith in God? After all, "without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him" (Hebrews 11:6). But you think you don't deserve a reward; therefore, you don't believe God. The weakness was not so much in the fact that you sinned as it is demonstrated in your response to your sin.
Upon what passage of Scripture do you find God ever tell someone caught up in sensuality that they cannot marry? The only passage that restricts marriage is from those who had married and then violated their covenant by getting a divorce. "Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife" (I Corinthians 7:10-11). What you are doing is making up rules that God has not given. In a real sense you are trying to be more righteous than God. "Do not be overly righteous, nor be overly wise: why should you destroy yourself?" (Ecclesiastes 7:16).
Dump the emotional "woe is me" mentality. You sinned. Fortunately, you realized that you were in the wrong and you took steps to limit the possibility of repeating the mistake. You told the woman you did wrong, and you told God you realized the error of your way. Now it is time to live life joyfully knowing that you have been cleansed from your unrighteousness, so you can make future progress in your Christian growth. If there will be any consequences to this sin, that will be in God's hands. But fretting about when the other shoe will fall is unproductive -- it is not in your control, so why worry about it?
Now that you have a more reasonable view of yourself and you realize that you are not impervious to sin, get your guard up, and get moving toward heaven.