Question:

I have a friend who is a male escort. He had an alcoholic father and his sick mother took the kids and left. While sexually active, he left home at 18 to pursue doing adult films. He stopped but started escorting to make a living. He is now 20 and said he doesn't mind doing escorting, but when I said other opportunities are out there, he said he would consider stopping.

I have paid his rent and expenses and I am sure he hasn't escorted for last month. What do I do to convince him to find stable work and to never escort again?


Answer:

You have a good heart, but unless a few other things change the method you are using won't work. The big problem is that this young man doesn't think gratuitous sex is wrong. Thus he has little motivation to change his lifestyle. If you had told he that he wanted out but didn't know how, my answer would be vastly different. There is a reason that repentance -- a change in behavior -- begins with sorrow for what is currently happening. "Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing. For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (II Corinthians 7:9-11). Sorrow isn't repentance, but sorrow is a strong motivation for making a change in your life.

By paying his expenses, you removed any urgency to change as well. "For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat. For we hear that there are some who walk among you in a disorderly manner, not working at all, but are busybodies. Now those who are such we command and exhort through our Lord Jesus Christ that they work in quietness and eat their own bread" (II Thessalonians 3:10-12). What you gave him was a one month paid vacation. I'm sure he enjoyed the rest from having to perform for ladies, but I suspect since you wrote that he really didn't use that time for searching for another job.

What can you and should you do? First, either you or someone else needs to talk to him about the damage he is doing to himself. I don't know what his hopes and dreams are, but most guys have some idea that his good looks and charms aren't going to last forever. "Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing" (Proverbs 31:30). He should know about the physical harm he causing himself through exposure to various diseases. But he probably isn't aware of the spiritual harm he has done to himself and how difficult it is for him to make real friends and have real relationships with people. Until he decides he needs to change, there isn't much hope that the rest will last.

Second, you or someone needs to help him assess his situation. What can he do to earn a living. The great problem is that prostitution is high pay for indulging in pleasure and almost no work. Real jobs are going to pale in comparison -- which is why the motivation to change has to be there first. Helping him assess his real skills and getting him motivated to be willing to work hard for a living is what he needs for the long term.

So offer him instruction, offer him help in getting out, but don't give him personally financed welfare.

That is very good and beneficial advice. I know he is aware of the risks involved and even admits he has had a loss of sexual intimacy. Sex to him has become work. He has even told me that instead of giving him money, he would still see clients until he can make a salary from my company or find stable work. I know he has a good heart and a willingness to improve, but besides his own motivation he needs positive support. But he has these wealthy male clients who buy him $7,000 watches etc. It will be a dramatic change for him -- gets up every day around 11:30 or latter, smokes marujuana etc.

I have told him that expensive things are nice, but that true happiness and joy is in a holiness of life. I pray he will have a conversion of heart and motivate himself in the right direction.

Your friend does need support, but it needs to be support in doing the right thing, not support in continuing as he was. The choice will be difficult because he must decide if he wants a short life of pleasure or a long life of satisifying hard work with eternal life at the end. Not many are willing to make that choice.

Just be sure that you accept that it is his choice. If he continues sinning you can't support it, though there is the temptation that maybe he'll change later.