I'm thinking of divorcing my wife because she is bipolar and a gambler. What do you think?


I have an unusual problem.  Wife and I got married in 1990 and divorced in 1997.  We got married again in 2001.  I want a divorce.  Besides, not ever having sex with my wife since 2001, my wife is bipolar.  But, more than that, she is also a gambling addict.  I know no one is perfect, but I see my life being unfulfilled by this marriage.  Normally, I could wait it out and see if she ever comes around toward close to normal, but I am beginning to see her as a lost cause.  Two years ago, we actually decided we had to quit living together, but at the same time I really didn't want a divorce because I didn't want to be so free that I could make another mistake and end up in another unfulfilled marriage.  So we have been seeing each other on the weekends in a platonic relationship.  We go to church, but as far as any sex goes, that's the furthest thing from her mind. 

The problem is, today, I find myself attracted to another woman.  I think when my wife saw my attraction she decided to become very close and friendly with this woman so as to make any relationship impossible.  Now, I am ready to divorce my wife for doing such a thing.  And, of course, the woman to whom I am attracted would not be any sort of Christian if she were to want me when I am still married.  She did talk to me about getting a divorce, but now she's changed even that, to not wanting to get married at all but to be just friends.  Perhaps she is right, but I feel like my wife instigated this separation from this woman.  I have to admit, it was partly my fault for not getting a divorce two years ago, but I have also explained this to this beautiful Christian woman.  She still will now only be my friend and even has told me she'd never marry me.  Now, I am very upset and feel like I will never have a companion who will love me.  Oh, sure, I can find another woman, but I really have no desire to find another one.  I have already found one.  Oh, by the way, this woman to whom I am attracted to, we have not had any relations at all.  I have respected her person, and I would do so whether I am married to her or not.  What bothers me is that she was willing to marry me at one point.  Now, it's a different story.  The reason I ever got involved with this woman in the first place was because of my wife's secretly going over to the casino to spend money in those one-armed bandits.  I would call my wife and she would have her cell-phone turned off.  I would call this other lady because my wife would be at her apartment at times because they are friends.  Only she wouldn't be there.  She would then ask me if I wanted to go out and eat at a local restaurant.  We did that several times, and at other times when my wife was with me, we would include her and go out to eat, the three of us.  I just feel betrayed somehow.

I've prayed about the whole thing and I still feel uncomfortable about the position I find myself in.  I never wanted a wife and an almost girlfriend.  I only wanted to have a good relationship with a wife.  I guess I am going to get that divorce after all.


It seems your mind is made up to sin regardless, so I doubt I'm going to dissuade you. You're in the wrong in many ways and your "problem" is fairly typical.

No matter how you slice this, you are looking to leave your wife because you wish to live with another woman. Paul said, "Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife" (I Corinthians 7:10-11). Even if there was a good reason to leave, which you don't have, the law is that you must remain unmarried.

And you justify all of this because she sins; therefore you think it is right for you to sin. How pathetic!

If you do marry someone else, you will be guilty of adultery. "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery" (Luke 16:18).

Since you are planning on sinning, I'm surprised you think God is going to answer your prayers. "You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures. Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God" (James 4:2-4).

You know what? I agree with you.  However, I also think God is bigger than that.  What I mean is, I am only doing the same thing King David did.  And you know what.  God LOVED king David.  Actually, I am not doing near as bad as David did.  I know what your going to say.  A sin is still a sin.  Of course it is.  I have two choices.  Since I made this bed, I can now lie in it.  I can make my life even more miserable.  Miserable for me and miserable for her.  That's what I think I'll do.  I'll commit adultery while I am at it because this isn't my first marriage either.  I was once married to someone else.  So, now I am commiting adultery in this marriage.  I think the only way in which I can please my wife and the clergy is by committing suicide.  hahaha.  Then, I'll be perfect and they can throw the dirt on top of my ashes and be done with me.  Either way, I will be sinning.  With my wife or with my girlfriend.  Tell me, what would Jesus do?  Stay in the marriage and pretend to be happy?

Is that what he preached?  OK, I will stay in this defunct marriage.  I only wonder how long it will take for my wife to realize I am only staying for her benefit?  Although, you have to remember, we no longer live together.  But, I will not any longer pursue this woman.  Even though, I do enjoy her company.  I will be friends and when I meet God in Heaven, He can ask,"Did you do good?"  I will hold back from loving the only woman I've ever enjoyed being with and then she'll wonder why.  So we won't sin?  Where's the sin when I have already committed that "A" sin?  It seems to me a narrow view of God's grace.  I love hearing preachers talk about how God expects us to do certain things.  I don't believe God has a certain way of doing things.  He does things any way he wants to.  He doesn't need my permission.  And, if He wanted to, he could cleanse my heart, make me whole and love me.  He could even give me love for someone.  I am praying, by the way, for myself and for both the women in my life.  Both, at this point, are only friends.  It seems I cannot have a deep relationship with either.

I see a lot of "I think" but no "thus says the Lord." Still you are more than willing to put words in God's mouth that He never said and claim that must be acceptable to Him. In reality you only worship a god made in your own image. Like a pouty teenager who doesn't want to hear "no", what the one living God says doesn't matter to you if it is something you want.

No, God didn't accept David's sins, but He did love David because David repented of his sins, something that you aren't inclined to do. There is absolutely no reason you can't repent other than your own stubbornness. "Say to them: 'As I live,' says the Lord GOD, 'I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live. Turn, turn from your evil ways! For why should you die, O house of Israel?'" (Ezekiel 33:11). But don't pretend you'll receive any favors from the Righteous Judge if you don't repent.

"What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?" (Romans 6:1-2).

"If you love Me, keep My commandments" (John 14:15).

"He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him" (John 14:21).

"Jesus answered and said to him, "If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him"" (John 14:23).

"Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me in that day, 'Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?' And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!'" (Matthew 7:21-23).