Question:

Hello, I and my girlfriend tried foreplay a couple of times, but we have not had sex. She is not just my girlfriend, she is almost my wife. I will marry her next year; this will surely happen. Also I didn't have any sexual experiences before.I have gone through all the chapters in your book and now I feel guilt over whether I attempted sin. However, she is my girl and I am going to marry her. Is it wrong?

I am a Christian. My girlfriend, whom I am about to marry, is a non-Christian, but we love each other truly. We are at the stage where we can't live without each other. Anyhow, all humans were created by God so I think I didn't preach God's law. I want to know how I should plan my life after marriage.


Answer:

"Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow let's go into this city, and spend a year there, trade, and make a profit." Whereas you don't know what your life will be like tomorrow. For what is your life? For you are a vapor, that appears for a little time, and then vanishes away. For you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will both live, and do this or that."But now you glory in your boasting. All such boasting is evil" (James 4:13-16).

For a moment, let's pick another sin and make an argument similar to yours. Suppose someone stole your vehicle. Would you accept the argument, "I was only borrowing it. You weren't around to ask, so I thought you won't mind. I had every intention of returning it in three months. So, you shouldn't call me a thief because I am planning to return it to you." Most people would not except the excuse: 1) Stealing is wrong, 2) intentions to make it right later doesn't change it, and 3) you can't guarantee the future.

The point of the passage in James is that we think we have greater control over our lives than we really do. We make plans, we have intentions to carry them out, but too much of life is out of our control. We might not even survive that long. But when we state that the future is in our control, we are actually boasting from our pride, which is a sin.

Similar questions have been asked in the past. See: Is foreplay wrong if it doesn't lead to sex? for more details on why foreplay is wrong before marriage. Though the question, Did I commit a deadly sin by having sex with my girlfriend, even though I know I'm going to marry her?, deals with sex before marriage, you should also look at it regarding the arguments made and why they are wrong. If waiting is too much for you, then move the marriage date closer. It is better to marry sooner than you planned than to commit fornication. "But if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:9).

I did not understand your last two sentences. If you would write again, I'll try to answer your questions.