Today I woke up. and to be honest, I didn't want to go to services. But I said, "No, you are going." I was so depressed and still am.
I knew my I wasn't in the right mindset to take the Lord's Supper. I did try to get myself there, but my mind kept wandering and today it was extermely difficult to focus. I don't know why. most of the time I don't have a problem bring my mind into subjection, but today I did.
I didn't want to take the Lord's Supper and drink damnation to myself, but I did want to take it because others may see me not take it and it may cause a problem if I didn't.
I chose to not take it because I was unable today for some reason to bring my mind into subjection and keep it where it should be: focused on Jesus' death.
What should I have done?
I was scared to make a decission and to have it be the wrong one, but I thought if i do take it in an unworthy manner, then I am in sin. I didn't want that.
Answer:The command is to partake of the Lord's Supper in a worthy manner. That means with the proper respect and veneration due the Lord. It has nothing to do with you being worthy of partaking. If that was the case, then none of us could partake.
Unworthy manner: Greek anaxios: Meaning irreverently.
From The People's New Testament Commentary: In a light, disorderly way, or with an unholy frame of mind.
From Robertson's Word Pictures in the New Testament: Unworthily (anaxi˘s). Old adverb, only here in N.T., not genuine in verse 1Co 11:29. Paul defines his meaning in verse 1Co 11:29. He does not say or imply that we ourselves must be "worthy" (axioi) to partake of the Lord's Supper. No one would ever partake on those terms. Many pious souls have abstained from observing the ordinance through false exegesis here.
From Family Bible Notes: Unworthily; in a careless, irreverent, and wicked manner.
Probably the best description is from Albert Barnes' Notes:
Unworthily. Perhaps there is no expression in the Bible that has given more trouble to weak and feeble Christians than this. It is certain that there is no one that has operated to deter so many from the communion; or that is so often made use of as an excuse for not making a profession of religion. The excuse is, "I am unworthy to partake of this holy ordinance. I shall only expose myself to condemnation. I must therefore wait until I become more worthy, and better prepared to celebrate it." It is important, therefore, that there should be a correct understanding of this passage. Most persons interpret it as if it were unworthy, and not unworthily; and seem to suppose that it refers to their personal qualifications, to their unfitness to partake of it, rather than to the manner in which it is done. It is to be remembered, therefore, that the word here used is an adverb, and not an adjective, and has reference to the manner of observing the ordinance, and not to their personal qualifications or fitness. It is true that in ourselves we are all unworthy of an approach to the table of the Lord; unworthy to be regarded as his followers; unworthy of a title to everlasting life: but it does not follow that we may not partake of this ordinance in a worthy, i.e., a proper manner, with a deep sense of our sinfulness, our need of a Saviour, and with some just views of the Lord Jesus as our Redeemer. Whatever may be our consciousness of personal unworthiness and unfitness--and that consciousness cannot be too deep--yet we may have such love to Christ, and such a desire to be saved by him, and such a sense of his worthiness, as to make it proper for us to approach and partake of this ordinance. The term unworthily (anaxiwv) means, properly, in an unworthy or improper MANNER; in a manner unsuitable to the purposes for which it was designed or instituted; and may include the following things, viz.:
(1.) Such an irregular and indecent observance as existed in the church of Corinth, where even gluttony and intemperance prevailed under the professed design of celebrating the Supper.
(2.) An observance of the ordinance where there should be no distinction between it and common meals, See Barnes for 1Co 11:29; where they did not regard it as designed to show forth the death of the Lord Jesus. It is evident that where such views prevailed, there could be no proper qualification for this observance; and it is equally clear that such ignorance can hardly be supposed to prevail now in those lands which are illuminated by Christian truth.
(3.) When it is done for the sake of mockery, and when the purpose is to deride religion, and to show a marked contempt for the ordinances of the gospel. It is a remarkable fact that many infidels have been so full of malignity and bitterness against the Christian religion as to observe a mock celebration of the Lord's Supper. There is no profounder depth of depravity than this; there is nothing that can more conclusively or painfully show the hostility of man to the gospel of God. It is a remarkable fact, also, that not a few such persons have died a most miserable death. Under the horrors of an accusing conscience, and the anticipated destiny of final damnation, they have left the world as frightful monuments of the justice of God. It is also a fact that not a few infidels who have been engaged in such unholy celebrations have been converted to that very gospel which they were thus turning into ridicule and scorn. Their consciences have been alarmed; they have shuddered at the remembrance of the crime; they have been overwhelmed with the consciousness of guilt, and have found no peace until they have found it in that blood whose shedding they were thus profanely celebrating.