Question:

I'm interested in a girl, interested enough to get serious about her. She's pregnant with another boy's baby (he dumped her), but that's all right with me, I've made similar mistakes. But she smokes -- mostly cigarettes, but sometimes pot. I'm not certain, but I really like her. What do you think?


Answer:

While you see your past sexual behavior as a mistake (i.e. a sin), the question you need to ask yourself is does she see it as wrong? Not wrong in that she is bummed that she's pregnant and with no boyfriend to lean on, but that she actually sees that she has broken God's law and she wants to live righteously. Otherwise, if she sees nothing wrong with having sex without marriage, then if you two married and you have a spat (which will eventually happen), she'll think that there is nothing wrong with taking comfort in another man's bed.

But a woman who smokes and does drugs while pregnant doesn't have the best interest of her baby in mind. Yes, smoking is very hard to quit. But it is known to cause problems, such as low birth weight. Most women try hard to quit or at least cut down while pregnant to avoid harming their child.

Women who use marijuana while pregnant have higher rates of miscarriages and they often have problems when it comes to the delivery of the baby. That is because marijuana interferes with the nervous system, slowing signals down, making responses slower, and thus making the delivery harder.

  • "Marijuana use was also related to preterm delivery (gestational age <37 weeks from last menstrual period) in white women but not nonwhtte women." [Effect of Marijuana Use in Pregnancy on Fetal Growth].
  • In answer to the question, "Is it safe to smoke marijuana during pregnancy?" Gerald Briggs, a pharmacist clinical specialist, said, "No. Smoking marijuana during pregnancy may affect your baby's growth and the development of his nervous system. Studies have shown that children who were exposed to marijuana during pregnancy sometimes have problems focusing their attention and solving problems. Children of heavy pot users may also have problems with short-term memory, concentration, and judgment." [Is it safe to smoke marijuana during pregnancy?]
  • "Low birthweight, short gestation, and major malformations occurred more often among offspring of marijuana users." [Shai Linn, MD, DRPH, et al, "The Association of Marijuana Use with Outcome of Pregnancy"]. Specifically, they found a 1.36 times greater risk of malformations among marijuana users.

Children exposed to marijuana in the womb have higher than average risks of childhood cancers, such as leukemia. They are often born with damaged immune systems. And they go through withdrawal symptoms after being born. That means more crying and fussing.

Children exposed to marijuana before birth are shown to have lower verbal abilities and poorer memory functions that continue through childhood. They have higher than average attention span problems. They have lower impulse control and they have difficulty with reasoning and analysis of situations. But all of this makes sense. We know that marijuana effects the nervous system. Its affects can last three months or longer. Long term use of marijuana is also known to cause permanent damage in cognitive abilities. If it does that to adults, what would you expect to happen to a child's nervous system that is trying to develop?

A woman ought to love her child. For a mother to allow harm to her child is an alarming attitude in a woman.

You should be looking for a woman who makes you strive to be a better man. This is a woman who it appears will drag you down to her level.