As I said I was just playing around on the net and I do not know just how I ended up on your site other then I was just clinking on links and so on and then out of the blue I ended up on your site in a area that had piles of question about and answered on spanking and discipline. A little about me: I am 16 and the second oldest in a family of eight children. My mom does use spankings, but only if we repeatedly break a rule within a few months. Most of the time she uses groundings or restrictions. It has been at least two years since I have had to be spanked. I just want to say that I do not disagree with spanking. I do not like them at all but see a place for them in my life, and, as ashamed as I am to admit to it, spanking has done me good. I know that I was getting out of control, but after I got spanked those times I gained more in control of myself.

My problem is that my mom saves spankings until an hour before bedtime. When we do something deserving a spanking, she has us wear special outfits for the rest of the day -- punishment clothing if you would. When it comes time for the spanking, everyone is called into the room and she says why the spanking is being given front of everyone, and then she proceeds to use an old slipper on us while everyone watches. I really do no like this. I wish it was done in private. I don't like to be spanked in front of everyone and I don't want to see my brothers and sisters getting spanked.

I also have a confession as well that I know I would end up being spanked for but have not told mom as I do not want to be spanked openly in front of everyone like this. I will tell you about that if you are interested. In some ways I almost wish you could write my mom and tell her what I am feeling. I have tried, but I cannot seem to bring myself to say what I have done as I know she will be very mad and upset with me. She would be very right in tanning my bottom for it. I feel bad and feel I do in fact deserve it very much but do not want to have it be done in front of everyone.

As a preacher, I'm restricted to "If anyone speaks, let him speak as the oracles of God. If anyone ministers, let him do it as with the ability which God supplies, that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belong the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen" (I Peter 4:11). I try very hard to stick to teaching what the Bible says and not offering my own opinions.

As you have read on the church's website, what your Mom does to punish disobedience is different from what the Bible teaches. It appears your Mom is focused on embarrassing her children to provide extra incentive to stop further disobedience. While some embarrassment can be used effectively, the type she is giving can backfire on her. I explain some of this in "A series of questions about spanking." The reason for private punishment is that there should be some sympathy for the embarrassment of sin. "Brethren, if anyone among you wanders from the truth, and someone turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins" (James 5:19-20). The idea of covering sin is not hiding a person in their sins, but hiding a repentant person from the continual shame of their sins. Your mother's method is not teaching this principle. I hope you won't imitate it when you are married and have children of your own.

I can't comment about what you have done for which you feel you need punishment. If you want to ask me about it or what you should do, you are welcome to do so. As I said, I'll give you the best biblical answer to your question that I can find.

See also:

Questions and Answers regarding Spanking
Questions and Answers regarding Child Rearing