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I attend a Church of Christ but my fiance practices Calvinism. He doesn't refer to it as that, but the beliefs are the same. Him and his brother are very into this religion. They get everything from a website [name removed to avoid promoting false doctrine]. They believe the church age is over and that it is a sin to attend. They believe in predestination and original sin. They say that water baptism and communion are ceremonial laws that aren't to be practiced anymore. Of course, there is more. Every time we try to talk about the Bible and God we argue because we are so into our religion. How is it possible to talk to someone about things of the sort when they always have an answer, but they take the verse out of context. They pretty much write their own "Bible". How do I go about helping him without bringing myself down in the process? Any help and suggestions would be appreciated.


I glanced around the website you referenced and you are correct, they are Calvinistic. One page lists the five points of Calvin's teaching and praises his insight, though Calvin's name is avoided. I'll take your word for the other points, I saw enough to agree that this group is way off into false doctrine and they go to very elaborate means to twist the plain statements of the Bible.

Have you ever wondered why Jesus wasn't able to convince the Pharisees of his day to accept the truth? After all, if anyone should be persuasive, it ought to be the Son of God. Yet the Pharisees could listen to him speak, watch him do unheard of miracles, and still called him a servant of Beelzebub. The fact is that these people had no love for truth. "And for this reason God will send them strong delusion, that they should believe the lie, that they all may be condemned who did not believe the truth but had pleasure in unrighteousness" (II Thessalonians 2:12). The basic point is that if a person is not interested in truth, God is not going to force them. He will allow them to wallow in their self-deception, totally convinced that they are right, while remaining in the wrong.

I don't know how matters have been approached in the past, but I have always found that it is best to sit down with a Bible. Answer points by turning to the passages and reading them. If a passage is brought up, turn to them and read them. It is often amazing how often seeing the actual words straightens out misconceptions. And by going to the passage it is easier to spot when something is being taken out of context.

Unfortunately, there will still be times when you read a passage and the person will not under any circumstance accept what the passage obviously states. It is at that time you must decide whether it is worth additional effort or not. However, if a passage is clear and the person is contradicting it, I have generally found that additional talk will not alter the situation. "Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces" (Matthew 7:6). You can't make a person accept the truth. You can only show them the truth.

Thus, I need you to think long and hard about the following because it is a truth that is hard to face. You are planning to marry a person to whom you cannot come to an agreement about religion. What are you going to do after you are married? Do not deceive yourself with the line that you'll change him after you are married. If he isn't interested in the truth now, when he is strongly motivated to win you as his wife, why would you expect it to change once he has what he wants? What belief system will your children be raised in? The fact is that children raised in an environment where the two parents have different beliefs generally grow up with no belief of their own. They see their parents constantly arguing and contradicting each other and decide they want nothing to do with religion. Is that what you want for your future children?

What I am saying is that if you and your fiance cannot agree now, the best thing for you and your future is to end the engagement. A marriage based on arguments is not worth having. Find someone who is compatible with your beliefs so that you can grow together in serving the Lord.


I truly appreciate you taking time to answer my email. I found the website of the sermons from the La Vista church website. I've been reading them and putting them together so I will have passages from the Bible to actually show him what it says instead of just having to tell him. He is wanting to have a Bible Study with me once a week at least and talk of these things. I am going to try to do this again. Thank you again for your help.


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