Question:

I have a spanking fetish I'm a 24 year old male that has a spanking fetish. How do I stop myself? What does the Scriptures say about them? Is it normal to have a spanking fetish?


Answer:

It is interesting that you used the word fetish. The proper definition of a fetish is: "An inanimate object believed to have magical power, either from a will of its own or from a god that has transformed the object into an instrument of its desires." From this comes our modern definition. People once visited people who practiced witchcraft to gain a charm to cause another to fall in love. Today, anything, "such as a material object or a nonsexual part of the body, that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification" is called a fetish. So while you won't find "fetish" in the Bible, the Bible does talk about what is behind a fetish.

The idea that an inanimate object having power over a person's desire is a part of what the Bible refers to as witchcraft. Witchcraft is strictly condemned by God in passages such as Deuteronomy 18:9-12. Included are terms such as witchcraft (to obscure the sight, to act covertly), sorcery (to cast a spell or enchant), and cast a spell (to fascinate or charm). See the sermon "Witchcraft" for more details. The use of charms is very close to the idea of a fetish.

"Therefore hear this now, you who are given to pleasures, who dwell securely, who say in your heart, 'I am, and there is no one else besides me; I shall not sit as a widow, nor shall I know the loss of children'; But these two things shall come to you In a moment, in one day: the loss of children, and widowhood. They shall come upon you in their fullness because of the multitude of your sorceries, for the great abundance of your enchantments. For you have trusted in your wickedness; you have said, 'No one sees me'; your wisdom and your knowledge have warped you; and you have said in your heart, 'I am, and there is no one else besides me.' Therefore evil shall come upon you; you shall not know from where it arises. And trouble shall fall upon you; you will not be able to put it off. And desolation shall come upon you suddenly, which you shall not know. Stand now with your enchantments and the multitude of your sorceries, in which you have labored from your youth - perhaps you will be able to profit, perhaps you will prevail. You are wearied in the multitude of your counsels; let now the astrologers, the stargazers, and the monthly prognosticators stand up and save you from what shall come upon you. Behold, they shall be as stubble, the fire shall burn them; they shall not deliver themselves from the power of the flame; it shall not be a coal to be warmed by, nor a fire to sit before!" (Isaiah 47:9-14). The word "enchantments" in this passage is the idea of using charms. The point is that these things are evil because they are not real. They have no power except the power of deception. They cannot save the person following them.

Now, perhaps you are saying to yourself, "I don't view spanking as witchcraft!" But the point is that you are giving spanking power over your sexual behavior. God, through Isaiah said, "your wisdom and your knowledge have warped you." Sex is an expression of love between a married couple, yet in your mind you have taken a method of punishment and warped it into a way to gain sexual gratification. I don't know how deeply you have gotten into this way of thinking. There are some who are so wrapped up in their fetish that they are unable to find sexual gratification without their fetish (their charm). The truth is that the concept of a fetish is false. It is a deception of your own mind with which you willingly play along. If you are able to reach orgasm, then it means the physical elements of your reproductive system are in working order and can operate in a normal fashion. The rest is the product of your imagination.

A fetish becomes an object of lust. Again, referring to Isaiah, "you who are given to pleasures." The problem is that you are wrapped up in yourself. You are focused on what you want and what makes you happy. Such self-focus is contrary to Christianity. "Therefore, since Christ suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same mind, for he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, that he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh for the lusts of men, but for the will of God. For we have spent enough of our past lifetime in doing the will of the Gentiles--when we walked in lewdness, lusts, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties, and abominable idolatries" (I Peter 1:1-3). Herein, then is the way out -- realize that your life is not merely your own, but belongs to God. If you are married, your body belongs to your wife to give her sexual pleasure (I Corinthians 7:4). Focus on what is needful for others. "Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others" (Philippians 2:3-4).

So let's label your fetish for what it is: it is a sin rooted in the pursuit of selfish pleasure where you falsely gave power to your fetish over your sexual behavior.

How did you arrive at this state of mind? Most sins start gradually, easing you from the truth in a step by step manner. For a male, sexual arousal is expressed in muscular tension, in particular there are sphincter muscles in the groin which give males erections when they tighten. Such is the bane of adolescent males since every small tension triggers spontaneous erections, such as nervousness in standing before a class to get a talk. Obviously, spankings also create strong tensions and thus strong erections. The problem is that you focused on the physical response and tied it mentally to sexual pleasure. Repeated dwelling on the matter reinforced the pattern in your mind making it an ingrained habit.

Habits can be broken by establishing and reinforcing a new pattern of behavior. Initially it will be difficult as you will want to slip back into comfortable ways of thinking and behaving. In this case, you will have something working for you. Sex is a powerful reinforcement of behavior. Thus, simply skip the spanking business. It won't be long, well within a month, that your body will need to relieve itself sexually and in doing so in the proper God-given channel of a marriage relationship a new pattern of behavior will be started. As the proper pattern is repeated, it will reinforce itself. Within a few years the fetish will be completely forgotten. The success will be totally dependent on your desire to do what is right for yourself and your wife.